Behind the Veil
by spazz29hp
Summary: Harry grieves and has very few people to support him. He tries to find out more about the veil in the hopes of being able to let go of his beloved godfather when he stumbles upon some forgotten history. Will he be able to solve the mystery of the veil?
1. Chapter 1 the begining

**DISCLAIMER: i do not own these characters or anything else you may recognize they are all the creation of the amazing J.K Rowling. So i am truly just a fan and i am not even making any money, all just for fun.**

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Authors Note - this is my very first story ever so please be nice but fair and i always welcome reviews :)

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**Behind the veil

All harry could think was that it couldn't possibly be true. His eyes must be deceiving him. His godfather could not have died and it could not have happened right before his eyes at the hand of Bellatrix. It was only a veil; it couldn't kill him he thought to himself. Remus Lupin had been the only thing that kept him from following Sirius Black through the archway.

Three weeks later, Harry Potter was sitting alone on his bed in number four Pivot Drive when he could no longer bear his curiosity. He slowly made his way to the ministry of magic, the muggle way. He knew it would take forever but he didn't feel the desire to use magic anymore, and he'd probably splinch himself if he even attempted to apparate. When he finally made it to the ministry he slipped inside and, without a word to anyone, he made his way towards the door that had haunted his dreams even more than before Sirius was killed. He didn't have anyone interrupt his journey and, finally, he got to the room with the veil on the 10th try. When he got there he started to feel the pang in his chest grow. Harry sat down in front of the veil and thought to himself about how foolish he had been and how it was his own fault that Sirius had died. Slowly harry got up and inspected the archway careful not to fall into it. All of a sudden he felt his fingers hit a gold plate. He couldn't read it with the dim light so he said "lumos" and his wand lit. The words on the gold plate were as follows.

_The Threshold Archway_

_Created by: Ignatius Prewitt_

_One of the oldest forms of a vanishing cabinet and has never been finished as the inventor slipped into the veil himself and no notes were ever discovered. The Threshold Archway is a gate way between this world and the afterlife. It would allow you to visit and make peace with loved ones and find proof of things that they took to their graves. This Arch is a considerable threat to the world and is therefore placed in the ministry of magic in a room dedicated to Ignatius Prewitt. _

"Wow I can't believe it," said harry in amazement.

"Oh harry" a voice said behind him. Harry turned around to see the only person to truly stick by him through all the stages of his depression and grief. Hermione Jean Granger. Harry smiled a sad smile before he was wrapped in a big hug. "Harry you really shouldn't be down here. I don't think it'll be good for you," said Hermione. She had been saying things like that often these days.

"Harry, why are you down here?" she said questioningly.

"I just felt like I would find answers here I guess, and Hermione, I did!" he all but shouted at her. Hermione's face scrunched up in concentration and confusion, "what do you mean harry?" As a reply harry grabbed her hand and pulled her towards the gold plate and let her read it for herself.

"Oh my! I never knew, never! and I have been trying to find out what this room is and what this arch is for weeks now. Oh, how could I have been so stupid," said Hermione in her know-it-all voice."


	2. Chapter 2 the letter

**DISCLAIMER:i don't own Harry Potter JKR does.

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**Chapter - the letter

Hermione and Harry sit side by side deep within the ministry of magic. Both bent over a book, deep in thought and concentration. Hermione finished her book and before she pick up the next monstrous book she looked over at harry who looked like he was actually comfortable with his nose in a book unlike when they were at school. With his hair falling over his face slightly: since he had forgone his haircut in exchange for more research time. They only had another month before school began and they needed to research while they still had the time and resources.'

She was jerked out of her thoughts when he suddenly stood up, the book in his lap fell loudly to the floor. "What is it Harry? Are you okay? "She said worriedly.

"I only just remembered! That book in my first year, the one that screamed," he said excitedly.

"I don't think I'm following you?"Hermione said.

"In our first year when I was looking in the restricted section in the Hogwarts library for any mention of the name Nicholas Flamel, I opened a random book and it screamed at me and I quickly replaced it so I wouldn't get caught. It was hard to decipher what it was saying and I didn't keep it open for long but I would bet my broomstick that it said something about a veil," harry said with gusto.

"Galloping gargoyles are you serious?" Hermione said with a look of surprise on her face. Her eyes were gleaming with joy and hope and a bit of pride. After all it had been her who had told him to check the restricted section and they hadn't yet made any headway with their research so she was very, very happy with the new development. And she was very much in her element so she came up with a game plan of sorts.

"Okay, well since we still have 3 and a half more weeks till school I suggest we owl Dumbledore and see if we can get permission to go up to the school ," she started without waiting for a reply from her previous question.

"Hermione, that is a great idea, though I don't think we should tell him all the details because he may not allow us to continue with our research. I am so glad that we won't have to wait an entire month!" said harry.

Harry watched as Hermione wrote a letter to Dumbledore, giving a little feedback. Then, once Hedwig had gone to deliver the message, they stood there wondering what they should do while they waited. Harry was of the opinion that they should just wait since it shouldn't take that long for Hedwig to return. Hermione however thought it best to occupy their time with returning the books to their proper places and organizing her notes. In the end they had gone with Hermione's plan which turned out to be a good idea since Hedwig hadn't returned in all that time.

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"Hermione, what if something happened to her? It has been three days and we still haven't heard back from him," harry said impatiently. And he was further agitated when he was met with silence as Hermione hadn't even bothered to answer him. Instead she just stared out the window. 10 long minutes later Hermione shrieked and pointed out the window excitedly. Far off in the distance you could just make out the shape of a snowy white owl. Harry opened the window in anticipation for the long over due owl.

"Hey girl, what took you so long, eh?" he said stroking the owl before he reached to untie the envelope from her leg. He opened it and read carefully while Hermione read over his shoulder.

_**Dear Hermione and Harry,**_

_**I am sorry that it took me so long to reply. I had been away and when I returned I was in no fit state to reply. Then upon reading your request it was sometime later sill that I came to my conclusion. While I wish you were able to tell me you reasons for needing the Hogwarts library and cannot wait for term to start I shall grant you permission. If it is convenient for you I will come to pick you up myself or send Hagrid if I am unable to, and we can meet at the leaky cauldron.**_

_**Yours truly,**_

_**Albus Dumbledore **_


	3. Chapter 3 leaky cauldron

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter. That blessing belongs to J.K Rowling not me i am just another devoted fan using her fantastic stories.**

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Sorry i haven't been able to upload these last few days i am taking my finals this week so i am just writing and uploading whenever i can. 3

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**Chapter 3-leaky cauldron**

They stood there for what seemed like hours just gaping at the letter. They were so shocked that he actually said yes and didn't even pry all that much. Hermione was the first to spring into action and grabbed a bit of parchment and a quill with some ink to reply. Her letter stated that they would in fact be able to meet at the leaky and were delighted that he had allowed them access to the library.

Harry having been jostled from his position by Hermione's sudden actions realized that they were due to depart in less than 24 hours as it was already getting quite late. He decided to go and pack his trunk so that he could shrink it and carry it all with him in case they took awhile.

"Hey Hermione," harry began, "why exactly do you thing he was in no fit stat to write a reply?" After all, their reply was already on its way, and it had only taken a few moments.

"I don't know Harry," Hermione said exasperatedly, "maybe we will find out when we get there. Are you all packed? Good. I've had the essentials paced for days now so I guess we can turn in early seeing as how we are ready and aren't yet used to getting up early."

Harry grumbled something that sounded like, you're not my mother, but she wasn't quite sure and it didn't matter anyhow. They grabbed their things off the floor and pocketed them; they had basically moved into the ministry since all their stuff was there and usually slept there. Especially since the trace is undetectable in the ministry since there are so many over aged witches and wizards so they couldn't pick out the culprit even if they tried.

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So as they were waiting in the leaky cauldron they were acutely aware of the fact that the whole room was whispering and pointing at them. Everyone had by now heard about what had happened at the ministry of magic and many had not lost the chance to talk to harry about it whenever he happened to be out and about. Hermione thought that this could not possibly be of any help and that Harry, who never had liked being made a spectacle, would surely detest it if it were to happen now of all times.

"Hello Harry; Hermione. How are you guys this fine evening? Are you two ready to depart?" said a bold voice from the doorway as the person approached.

"Hello Professor Dumbledore. We are well and are both ready to make our way," Hermione started simply. They had been waiting a good hour and wished to be on their way; however, Hermione never, ever was disrespectful to a teacher, least of all Dumbledore.

"Well then let's be off now, I am truly sorry to have been late but I had other matters to attend to and Hagrid too was busy. Now if you will each grab onto one of my arms and hold on tightly I will be able to side-long apparate us to the gates of Hogwarts," Dumbledore said with a slight bow.

Harry and Hermione both grabbed onto their Headmaster and felt the unpleasantness of apparating. They felt as if they had been holding their breath for hours and hadn't eaten in days, in combination with their insides twisting and wanting to hurl.

When they looked up and opened their eyes they saw that they were indeed in front of the Hogwarts gates. And there awaiting them was a carriage.


	4. Chapter 4 the treat

**DISCLAIMER: Sadly i do not own Harry Potter, not even a little bit. It is all J.K's creation.

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Please review i would love to get some feedback good or bad so i can make it an even better story :)**

Dumbledore had left them hours earlier so that they could scour the library. They had been granted full use of the restricted section and had already opened 15 different screaming books and, several eardrums later, they had deduced that none were the correct book.

"Harry are you sure you don't remember where it was you found it? Or perhaps what it was titled?" said a frazzled and desperate Hermione.

"No I don't Hermione I am very sorry. Maybe we should just go to lunch and take a break or a short nap. It isn't like we can do any good if we run ourselves into the ground," said a dejected Harry.

"Oh Harry we will find it but you are right we would be up to no good if we could only think about food and kept dozing off in the middle of reading a book," said Hermione. They got up and headed to the kitchens, having realized the time and knowing that they had worked well past the normal lunch time.

Harry, upon entering, was blinded he could not see anything but black with a few peep holes from which he saw a ton of socks. He heard a squeal and a high pitched voice call out his name.

"Harry Potter! I is very glad you has come and see Dobby. Dobby has missed Harry Potter , Sir. Dobby has not many friends in the kitchen and missed his friend harry Potter," cried the voice who appeared to be Dobby. Dobby jumped down off of Harry and bowed before he hit himself saying, "Stupid, stupid Dobby acting so rashly."

"Dobby it is okay don't punish yourself," harry said. He really didn't mind the assault and he like the little elf and never had liked to watch him punish himself.

Dobby looked up then and smiled as his eyes started to water slightly. "Dobby is grateful harry potter, sir. He is very grateful," Dobby said to Harry.

"Dobby do you think Harry and I could get a spot of lunch? We sort of missed it while in the library," Hermione said. As if to prove her point both of their stomachs started to growl.

Dobby nodded and then escorted them to a table in the corner returning five minutes later with a silver platter laden with treats and dishes. On the tray was a bunch of their favorites too such as treacle tart, pumpkin juice, black pudding, steak pie, bacon, and pumpkin bread.

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They had spent hours in the kitchen after that first day there but the one thing that kept them on their toes was the subtle hints each was getting about the other. Dobby had made so many side comments to harry about Hermione and to Hermione about Harry and their feelings toward each other. And quite frankly it had made them both confused both think it all lies.

It had been a week since their first day back at the castle and they were back in the library once again. They were both getting discouraged at their lack of findings. They had found out about the darkest and scariest things and yet they couldn't find it and they were getting desperate as well. There was only the back row of books that had been so far untouched by their prying eyes.

Hermione was the first one to finish the row they had been on all day and so she approached the last section of books which happened to be the biggest section as it was floor to ceiling and wall to wall. The first book she opened did not scream so she merely skimmed it to be sure it held none of the answers they desired. There wasn't anything so she moved on to the second as Harry came to help her on the gigantic row since he had finished his, finally.

Many hours and several headache potions later they had made it to the last three books in the entire library. They both had skipped dinner and had only left to get a few potions to help aid their search. They had even gotten so many paper cuts that they had needed a blood replenishing potion each. And as they each picked up a book they realized that this was it these 3 books are it or we have hit a dead end.

Hermione opened her book thinking that while she would be devastated if they did not find anything it would be nothing compared to how she suspected Harry would feel. The title of her book gave her a glimmer of hope and she even chanced a glance towards harry and noticed that his looked like a complete dead end and that he was already a fourth of the way done. She hurriedly opened her own book and began to read.

Harry was just finishing his book at the same time that Hermione was and he notice that the know-it-all hadn't even bothered to take notes.

"Hermione didn't you take notes," he asked suspiciously.

"no Harry I didn't think it would be worth the parchment or my time because this book was very misleading. I thought it was promising but it was the worst yet," she said in a huff.

"oh, okay it just didn't seem like you not to take notes. I'm sorry," he said.

"I know harry. So do you want to read the last one or shall i?" she asked Harry.

"I think we should do it together, it would only be fair and I know you are dying to read it. What do you think?" Harry asked Hermione smirking slightly.

"I think that would be a wonderful idea harry," Hermione stated simply.

So they both sat down with the book and began to read side by side. As soon as they opened the large book they had to close it for fear of waking someone in the castle as it was very, very late. Then as Harry began to open it for a second time Hermione silenced it with a simple spell.

"Silencio," she whispered tapping her wand. It worked so they were able to open it completely with no noise.

Hermione was so shocked at what was written in the table of contents. Just written oh so plainly for all to see was the word they had been searching for.

…_**Chapter 7-Prewitt History Page 379**_

_**Chapter 8- Experiments and Projects of worth Page 486**_

_**Chapter 9- The Veil of Passage, the Threshold Archway Page 594….**_


	5. Chapter 5 confession

**DISCLAIMER: **

**Harry: Hermione how did we come to be?**

**Hermione: J.K Rowling's wonderful imagination created us Harry.**

**Harry: then why are we in spazz29hp" story?**

**Hermione: Because she loved us so much so wanted to right a story about us for absolutely no profit.**

**Harry: Is she going to buy us?**

**Hermione: Of course not that honor belongs to JKR, Harry.**

**See, Hermione agrees i am not the owner of these characters and this is not getting me any money.

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They just stared at each other for a few moments before they slowly flipped though the book. When they got to the desired page they once again bent their heads over the book and began to read.

Harry couldn't believe it. They had found it and this was the key to his plan. He had yet to tell Hermione his entire plan because even though she had stood by him unlike most of the Wizarding World she would do anything to stop him from doing something stupid. His plan was to finish the work that Ignatius had started so that he could save his godfather even if that meant trading spots with him. This plan had been on his mind ever since he had seen the bit of history on the side of the veil and as much as it hurt him to not tell Hermione about it he knew in his heart that it would be okay and that she would forgive him in the end.

"Harry we found it! It is all right here!" Hermione all but screamed at Harry.

"You're right Hermione," Harry said with as much excitement as he could muster.

Hermione noticed that harry didn't have his heart in it at the moment and was concerned because it had been all he could think about for the past week and a half.

"Harry are you okay you sound, I don't know, like you aren't happy about finding it?" she asked with her voice laced with concern.

Harry realized that he had to take a chance and let her know about his plan no matter the consequences because Merlin himself wouldn't be able to stop her from finding out on her own. So he took a deep breath and told her what was on his mind.

"Hermione I am extremely excited it is just that well there is something on my mind. I didn't want to tell you but now I realize that I have no choice because you'll find out some way or other and then keeping it from you wouldn't have been such a good idea. You see I didn't just want to find out about the veil to satisfy my curiosity or to help me let go. If anything I wanted to learn as much as possible so that I wouldn't have to let go. I loved Sirius. He… He was more like a father than anyone I have ever known and I was the reason that he died. He died because I loved him and was stupid and foolish playing right into Voldemort's plan. If I had remembered that Professor Snape was in the Order a little earlier or had waited before we left maybe put a bit more time and energy into the fight/discussion right before we took off to the ministry, or if I had alerted someone at the ministry. If any of those events were just a little different then, Hermione, he wouldn't have died. It is entirely fault. I didn't even tell him what he meant to me and now I never will unless I can finish what Mr. Prewitt started and I am prepared to die if it means that I save him. I know that you won't agree and you'll try and stop me, that's the reason I didn't want to tell you, so I beg you in the name of Merlin please don't stop me but help me. I don't think I can do it without your help Hermione you truly are the brightest witch of your age," Harry said with difficulty.

Hermione just stared at him at first but when what he was saying sank in she started to cry. The second he stopped talking she wrapped her arms around him and he leaned into her hugging her back. And they stood like that for awhile just hugging and crying since both of them had been hold their feelings in for too long.

Hermione was the one to break the embrace. Stepping back wiping her sleeve over her tear stained face. She gazed up at him and felt her cheeks burn. Flaming with color in embarrassment, she realized that he looked vulnerable like she had never seen him before.

He mentally kicked himself for breaking down and crying in front of her. He had been trying so hard to not let anyone see him like this for fear of them realizing how weak he was and deserting him like everyone else. He looked at her and waited for the words he could practically see bubbling to the surface, longing to be spoken.

"Harry. Oh Harry. I am so sorry but you know that it isn't your fault. You could never have known what v-v-voldemort was planning because Dumbledore didn't tell you anything and he was there because it was not in his blood to stay behind. No matter what you being in danger would draw him into any kind of mess. And you can't change the past but….. I… I won't stop you I'll...help you," she choked out so quietly he barely even heard the last bit.

Hermione was shocked that she was going to go against all of her values once again to help Harry just like in first year and ever since then. She wrung her hands awaiting his response.

Her words had meant so much to him and once again thanked the stars that he still had her as a best friend. A fresh wave of tears rolled down his cheeks as he thought about what she had just said and what she meant to him.

"Thank you Hermione," he whispered.

They quickly grabbed all their notes and the book, making sure to leave a note on the librarian's desk saying that they had checked it to peruse it further. They then left the library both deep in thought and both trying hard not to touch the other and neither understood way they felt that way.


	6. Chapter 6 the map

**DISCLAIMER: HARRY POTTER AND ANYTHING ELSE THAT IS FAMILIAR TO YOU IS NOT MINE!**

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Sorry for the delay i was a bit distracted seeing as how my sister and her three little girls, my aunt, uncle, cousin, family friend, other sis's boyfriend, brother's girlfriend, and grandparents were in town. Plus i was in a pageant then Christmas and new years and my birthday coming around the corner. So i found it a little bit hard to write and upload between barbies hair-pulling name calling house school and church drama ppl coming and going high pitched screams teeth getting broken and changing diapers and much more! So i apologize for the delay and the shortness of it but i figured ya'll would rather have a little bit than having nothing but I'll try and upload again soon.

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"Harry? Do you see this?"Hermione asked, "I keep seeing references to it all over this book."

"Um… yeah I think I saw it. Why?" Harry said, "What do you think it means?"

"Well I don't know but it reminds me of something," She said in frustration, "something I have seen before I think it has something to do with the Marauders' map."

"You're crazy you know that Hermione?" harry stated, "What in Merlin's pants would they have in common?"

"Oh, harry," she said shaking her head, "what am I going to do with you? I don't know what they have in common I just think they do and if you had any common sense then you would have understood. Now please go get that map."

Harry dashed off to get the map out of his trunk, but not before he threw a glaring look at Hermione, which she gladly returned with an annoying and unnerving smile that just lit up her whole face. Upon seeing the smile he had faltered so he literally ran to make up for almost stopping.

When he returned he handed Hermione the map, already activated, with his head down. He didn't want to get caught off guard with another one of her smiles.

After 10 minutes of awkward silence, Hermione had finally shouted in elation. It looked like they were getting somewhere now.

"Yes! Here it is," Hermione screeched "It was a map."

It was in fact a map as Hermione had so gladly stated. It showed a part of the school in great detail if you simply tapped it twice and mumbled the words _Draco Dormiens Nunquam Titillandus _(or, never tickle a Sleeping Dragon). Those were the words posted on the Hogwarts crest. They then proceeded to stare at it trying to figure the rest of it for the next four hours.

The torches in the common room had been lit hours before their discovery. Then the windows began to look closer to black than the forlorn looking golden brown from the glare of the lights. Neither noticed these subtle changes nor the time as they were nearing the end of yet another day.

They had only had the book for a whole day but yet they had already made more headway in that amount of time than the entire time they had been looking for information so far.

The next few days passed with little excitement because they simply poured over the book and the marauders map trying to figure out what the place was and why nobody knew about it. Not even the marauders knew about it. Because while it showed on the map it didn't give the directions as to how they were supposed to get in it. On all other secret areas on the map it had directions if the map makers had ever visited it or knew how to do it. So therefore they knew that professor Lupin would not be of any help.


	7. Chapter 7 Dumbledore

_**DISCLAIMER: i DO NOT OWN Harry Potter. Plain and simple**_

___I apologize once again for the delay i am truly sorry the business of the holidays is just now going away then school started my niece was sick and then i was too and now i am already behind in school so yeah here it is, longer than the last but still VERY short and for that i apologize for as well. Also to those Dobby fans out there, i am too, i apologize because i know i did not get his character's way of talking quite right... enjoy! _**  
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Chapter 7 Dumbledore

Dumbledore had realized that the two students that were already in the castle were getting a lot of work done. It seems that they may actually be close to discovering one of Hogwarts best kept secrets hiding place. He, so far, has yet to approach them and offer them his wisdom and his skill but chose rather to remain hidden and simply be an audience member.

Albus knew that he should help them because if he didn't then they may not end up too well after getting their hands on what is hidden by that section of wall. On the other hand if he were to offer it he would have to own up to having spied, lie, or he would just end up messing everything up. He might lose their trust and their trust in him was crucial to his long-term plan.

So he just observed them for another hour before he let his presence be known to them. It was quite easy seeing as how they were in the spiral staircase that led to his office. He simply went back inside his office unnoticed and then came back out in a way that made sure his presence was noticed.

He then began to talk to them without giving them any incentive to close up on him so that he could discreetly weasel the information they had already obtained and what it was they were trying to achieve. So he ended up spending the better part of his day on a magical stairwell being secretive and becoming all knowing.

AS it happens, 5 hours later, he is sitting on his bed as a sudden idea comes into his head. Because he can't really help them on their quest of truth and justice without being officially asked he can satisfy his other hobby, one he always was fond of and good at. So it was there, sitting up in bed with a parchment and quill with the old thinking cap on that he devised his plan. It would be done secretively so that neither noticed a single thing but for all of his ideas to work he would need help of some, someone close to them so that this person's presence would not be so out of the ordinary. So after hatching his plan out roughly he thought of a good person to let in on the whole ordeal that would not blow it. They'd be a close friend of sorts but one that would not be against what he was trying to do or would try to take over all of his fun by doing it differently. So he did the rational thing and made a list of all possible possibilities.

_Ron Weasley- close friend to THEM but may be opposed to the idea AND the method **may fancy one of the intended targets so he would be a liability_

_Luna Lovegood- good friend to THEM would love the idea may be opposed to method but her being a typically thought of spacey person if she let something slip it would be easier to fix_

_Ginny Weasley- good friend to THEM would not like idea but would like method of idea in theory **may fancy one of the targets so that would complicate things a little bit_

_Neville Longbottom-good friend to THEM but is shy, scared for life, gullible, scared, and can't remember anything besides plants even if Merlin himself would offer a reward_

_Dobby, the free elf-loyal to him and the HIM in the THEM and is an elf which is an extra bonus for sneakiness and as he works here that means he will have to, that is if I make him_

**…...**

There weren't many other as those were the basic ones and since Luna would change the plan and Ginny would want HIM all for herself, which he obviously doesn't want since he hasn't shown interest as she throws herself at him. And Ron may be just like Ginny in the fact that he would want the HER to be with him instead. And as Mr. Longbottom is a liability as well that leaves only Dobby and luckily he is perfect for the part, if not better. I will have to ask him if he will in the morning before breakfast.

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Dobby is awake now. Dobby is very happy but confused because Professor Dumbledore, Sir has asked him to come to his office for a private matter in a little while.

Dobby is seeing Professor Dumbledore sir with a glint in his eye. Dobby hears the plan. Dobby loves it. Dobby says so. He thinks it is a perfect way to help His beloved Harry Potter. His master's plan he would be in on would help his friend so Dobby is now helping. Dobby hopses his friend Harry Potter will like it oh so very much. Dobby is oh no surprise that someone else has also seeing theys fancy's the other.


	8. Chapter 8 reasons and mystery

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER!...*SADLY

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**_Sorry for the delay. Here is the next chapter and i'll try and get them up a bit faster. Again i apologize. Also reveiws are welcome and appreciated.

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H_ermione awoke with a start. As she looked around she tried to place where she was exactly. Right away she realized that she was not in her room at home or Grimmauld Place. Then she remembered that she and Harry were at Hogwarts but she wasn't in any of the rooms in Gryffindor tower. The only thought on her mind was a single question.

**_Where am I?_**

To that question she had no answer to and she was beginning to be frightened. Then she looks at her wrist watch and gave a start. It was well past three in the afternoon. And so that meant that she had been sleeping for over 15 hours! And she missed breakfast and lunch as well as dinner the night before and she was starving. So she got up and then made her way to the door that she now saw, though she was certain it had not been there moments earlier.

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Harry Potter was sitting in the headmaster's office with a very confused expression on his face. Dumbledore had just informed him that before waking up in the infirmary he had been found passed out cold in the stairwell to the very office he was sitting in, the Head master's office. He was told that he had been found alone and that they had still not been able to find Hermione. She seemed to be nowhere in any of the towers or any part of the dungeons. Nor was she found in the library or present at dinner the night before or any of the meals of that day so far. Harry was distressed upon hearing that she could not be found and would have broken down in an emotional upheaval if his brain was not still trying to remember everything. So there he sat in the Head Master's office, still trying to remember just what had happened the night before. The only thing he could recall so far was a silvery mist.

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He sat across from Harry as the information sunk in. He tried to probe his mind for anything and was startled by what he saw. It was the wall in the staircase to the very room they were in at that moment. The wall would not have been recognized if Dumbledore wasn't able to see a glimpse of the gargoyles off to the side.

The reason for this was because the entire wall was emitting a silver mist. The only part of the wall that resembled the memory the Head Master had of it was that beneath all of the mist, in the stone work, the faint and worn, Hogwarts crest could be discerned by those that took the time to look closely. Dumbledore had noticed it and it seemed that in the very center of the crest, where the four founders' symbols lay, the mist was less of a fog and more of a swirl. It also took on a more golden glow rather than its silver counterpart.

**Whoosh!**

The next thing that happened was a blur but immediately after Dumbledore found himself back in his office simply looking at Harry. After that Harry stood, excused himself and left the office visibly shaking.

* * *

Harry was deep in thought and losing his composure quickly. He made his way to his room as quickly as he could. He almost didn't make it. The second the door click shut the dam broke. He was bawling on his bed with his body pulled up into a ball. He was crying for so many different reasons that he wasn't able to think much over the next hour and a half during which he simply lay on his bed and cried. He let it all out, all the emotions he had kept in and only ever let show in small little bits. He cried anew for his parents and even the cat that he never knew he had had as a kid until a few months ago. He wept for Cedric and how he had been helpless. He cried fo Sirius and the pain that and suffering that he had had to go through that ended in his death. He cried for himself. For the loss of the childhood that he never really got and the fact that he was the reason for the death of his parents, Sirius and Cedric. That had he listened to Hermione last year than Sirius would not have had to come to the Ministry and he would not have died nor would he have almost lost his friends. Sirius would be there Ginny would never have gotten hurt and Ron would not have the scars that show he battled a brain for his life. If he had just taken the cup instead of making Cedric take it too then Cedric would not have died. And if he had never been born, well than his parents would still be alive. He then cried for all the troubles he caused for his friends and their families. He then sobbed, and continued to cry for Hermione. Because he wanted Sirius back and was not smart enough to do so without her he had brought her to the castle where she was now lost. He was the reason she came here and so it was his fault that she was missing.

He finally composed himself enough to go to dinner in the great hall because he knew that if he did not show up he would send many people into a blind panic. So he showered and dressed in regular wizard robs that Hermione had pick out for him earlier on that summer in an effort to cheer him up. They were a chocolate brown with an amber trim and design. Once he was satisfied that his appearance did not show that he had just been bawling his eyes out on his bed. Little did he know that he had not in fact been alone in his room. Dobby had been watching since he had been told, by the Head Master, to follow him ever since Dobby had become a partner in the plan to get the two lovebirds together.


	9. Chapter 9 Newton Artemis Fido Scamander

**DISCLAIMER: I NO OWN Harry Potter that is for JKR, not me.

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**Yeah! I got to post really soon, but please don't get used to it because i hate to disappoint and you would be so yeah... Enjoy!

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The rest of that evening Harry sat in the stairwell to Dumbledore's office trying to recreate the night before but all he remembered so far was the wall in the stairwell and it emitting a silver mist with a mix of gold from the center. So with that on Harry's mind and a strange feeling that makes him believe that it has something to do with Hermione and her lack of appearance throughout the day. So far he had not come up with any ideas but he still sat there on the bottom most rung looking up at the wall and flipping through the book and glancing at the marauders map to see what they might have seen last night. Hours passed and still nothing, nada, zilch, not one single clue.

The seventh time that Harry flipped through the book a page fell out. It was folded in fourths and looked blank so far. Harry picked it up and unfolded it and when he finally opened it he realized just how wrong thinking this paper blank was. It was in fact full of house placements. Only the parts that were seen when folded were blank. The part that caught Harry's attention was that Ignatius Prewitt was a rare case. His name appeared four times in four different years. As well as a bunch of other people Harry did not know. The last section seemed to explain it all.

…_. come to decide that the system we tried a few years ago works wonders. It shall continue as long as I am Headmaster. Newton Artemis Fido Scamander is my name and I enforce this here rule. The Hogwarts Sorting hat shall not be placed only on first years but on third years, fifth years and seventh years. This will make it so that we know for sure where they truly lie but the house they are sorted into in their seventh year will be what they will remain and be known as for the rest of the wizarding population. This way there will be more inter house cooperation as you can't hate something you have the possibility to become. Also by not letting it be done at the very beginning of every school will prevent loss of house pride and over loading the Hat. Instead of waiting till third year to sort we implement this so that we have no one that is without a house. Also this would make it so that Fifth year would be too stressed so we have moved their examinations to right before Christmas break. As for the seventh years they will still have their examinations at the usual time for that would help them learn how hard the real world can be for some people… _

"Wow," Harry said "I can't believe it. This would explain a lot. Like How Ignatius was a pure blood that is recorded as a Gryffindor but was not disowned until he was in his third year, and how he and all others in that time took their O.W.L.s in sixth year but before Christmas break rather than at the end."

"Yes, it would seem you have found something of interest to you," a voice from behind him said.

Startled, Harry knocked the book from his lap and pulled out his wand. Then he heard a light chuckle and noticed after that that the voice had been that of the Headmaster Dumbledore. Embarrassed he apologized and then sat back down on the step and put the book and things in back in order.

After what seemed like hours, but what was actually mere minutes, harry filled the awkward and strained silence. He broke it by finally explaining to Dumbledore everything that had happened since Sirius's death and what they had been planning on doing. The entire time he watched the professor's facial expressions. At the beginning it was saddened and worried and slightly furious and guilty because he felt for him and then Harry guessed it was because of the fact that he, Harry, had basically been abandoned. The guilt was because he was part of the group that was not there for him. When he told the part about the Ministry and Hermione's involvement he saw Dumbledore's face show pride, astonishment, anger, and happiness. Harry then told him about the search in the castle and Harry's true reasons and how Hermione took the news well and then he told about his latest find in the book. He ended his long winded explanation with a heartfelt sorry but that he had felt at the time that he had needed to keep it from him.

"Harry I can't believe this," Dumbledore stated. "I wish you could have told me but I understand and I do not hold it against you. I accept your apology and would like you to accept mine. I should have been there for you since I am one of the few that know what had been on your mind at the beginning of the summer besides the…. Um...well besides your godfather. I know how much that affected you, both of them actually. I am sorry that I was not there for you when you need me once again. I know it is no consolation but I want you to know that I am here now and whatever you need of me I will be glad to give be it my time, expertise, or resources."

"Thanks I'm glad I told you," harry said. "It feels better knowing that you know and I accept your apology though I don't think you were needed to give it because you are a busy man and should not have to be there every time I have issues. Though, I must add that I appreciate the fact that you have been there for me. I like knowing that someone in this world cares about me and not just because I am Harry Potter. I wish I could just be a normal 16 year old wizard."

After that they sat in silence for a few moments and then both wizards stood and parted ways. Dumbledore went to his office and Harry made a start to leave the stairwell. Just when Harry heard Dumbledore's door shut and lock, he felt something. It was a desire that hadn't been there until he had become alone once more. On impulse he followed his instincts and it brought him in the opposite direction he had been about to go before. Instead of heading out of the stairwell he headed into it and stood facing the wall in the very center of it all. He then noticed what Albus Dumbledore had seen before, the Hogwarts Crest. For some unknown reason he decided to pull out his wand and he touched the very stone that was divided by all the houses. The only stone to represent all four of the founders. And then with his wand tip in the center where the colors met mist started to form. It was the same mist he remembered. Once the silver mist had covered the entire wall he pulled back his wand and watched in amazement at how the bits of mist near the center turned gold in color. His first thought was that he wished Hermione was there to see it. Then a few moments later the golden mist grew and expanded. It then changed into a shape that Harry would have bet his life was the shape of Hermione. The next thing the mist did was truly astounding; it solidified and then glowed 10 times brighter. And the next thing Harry saw was Hermione stepping out of the mist and into his awaiting arms.

Throughout this entire time Hermione had been waking up, figuring things out, getting up, locating her wand and making her way to the door. She was currently trying to open the door. And she had been, for the last 2 hours. When all of a sudden the door opened and she came face to face with, what seemed to her, a wall of silver and gold mist? She took a deep breath, a big chance and walked into the mist. The first thing her eyes laid upon was Harry and then she blacked out.


	10. Chapter 10 amnesia

**DISCLAIMER: I do not now, nor will i ever, own Harry Potter.

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**I am proud to anounce the newest addition to this story, chapter 10!

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Chapter 10 - amnesia

"Do you think they will be okay Albus?" Minerva McGonagall said worriedly. She had been pacing about the Hospital Wing for hours in such a stat that Madam Pomfrey made her take a calming drought. She had been so shocked when Albus had come into her bedchamber to inform her that they had found Hermione and that she and Harry were in the Hospital wing unconscious. She had hurried to get dressed because as strict as she was she had the heart of a mother and those two children had a very special place there. Upon reaching the wing she was met by Poppy Pomfrey who stated that they were still asleep but she could not figure out how to get them awake as of yet. Minerva then sat by them and cried silent tears of fear and slight relief. Albus found her like that, with each of her hands grasping their hands.

Albus Dumbledore is a very wise old man and so after pondering her question he finally had to admit something that she would not like to hear. "I don't know Minerva," he whispered. "I just don't know. I had been with Harry moments before this took place and I am glad that I had been in my office and had not yet left to visit the Ministry. If I had not been in then Harry would not have been able to have found help in time before passing out. What I can't fathom is as to why they have yet to have awoken because there is nothing wrong with either of them and nothing has truly happened besides them both being sleep deprived and hungry."

"Albus, I am so scared," Minerva said shakily. "I don't want to think about what would happen to the world or my old heart if we lost them… Wait, Albus I have an idea. What if they were not just magically and physically drained? What if they were mentally shocked and emotionally charged? Think about it, I mean we know that if you have a big shock when you are otherwise drained it can make you pass out for many hours at the most!"

"Oh! You have a great idea," Albus said smiling gleefully. "That wonderful idea of yours would explain everything. But what do you think the emotional connection was?"

"I have a few ideas," she said vaguely.

"Do tell me, please," he said.  
"Well it could have simply been the shock and emotions that go with being lost and then found," Minerva stated simply. "That would be logical and most people's first pick, but it has been my experience that with those types of shock you recover after only a few moments. That would be the reason that I do not think this the most likely charge. I believe that while separated they realized their feelings for each other and were bombarded with feelings both by the separation and then being reunited."

"Splendid, simply splendid," Said an extremely happy Albus Dumbledore. "I quite agree with you. While they are both excellent options I believe that the latter of the two is more likely. The only problem is that there is a stipulation to these types of charges when they last for more than an hour. As it has been, already, an hour and a half, I would hedger a guess that they will not be able to remember those feeling that they were just able to identify and claim before the sleeping part."

"Yes, I admit that that would be a sad thing to happen but at least now we know that they will be okay and will be soon ready to act on those feelings. I do believe that you are secretly glad that they won't be able to remember because this was you know for a solid fact that they have those types of feeling for each other and you still get to do your plan of setting them up," Minerva said before she burst out laughing from the look on Albus' face.

After a few moments of laughter they returned to the Hospital Wing. Neither had really paid much attention as to where they had been going before but somehow they had ended up in the Charms corridor. When they made it back to the Wing they realized that they had just made it in time for what they wanted. They had both desired to be there the moment they woke up. The two students woke up the very moment they reached their beds.

"Hermione,"

"Harry,"

They said at the same time as they woke up with a jolt. But neither noticed the looks that passed between the two Professors in front of them.

"Mrs. Granger, Mr. Potter, it is so nice to see the two of you awake," Minerva said kindly.

"Would you please think and see if you remember anything since lunchtime yesterday?" Professor Dumbledore requested.

"We will," they said in unison.

"At this moment the last thing I remember was um well…. I was um in my room having … a…um emotional breakdown after leaving Professor Dumbledore's office," harry recalled shyly.

"Harry there is nothing wrong with letting out your emotions," said Albus.

"Oh, Harry," Hermione said with sadness in her eyes.

"I'm fine now," harry stated before they could say anything more on the subject. "Now, what was your last recollection Hermione?"

"Well, I remember going into the stairwell that leads to Professor Dumbledore's office," Hermione said. "I remember walking up and facing the wall, but that's all."

After a few more tries of searching their memories they didn't come up with much else and the two professors left so they could go to bed as it was quite late and the day had been eventful. When they had gone Madam Pomfrey came out and got them ready for bed admits their protests of having to stay the night. In they conceded and were to stay the night with the promise that if by lunch the next day they were still in good health they could leave the infirmary. So with that Madame Pomfrey left them to rest and retired to her own bedchamber for a nights well earned sleep.


	11. Chapter 11 recovered

**DISCLAIMER: I** do **not **own Harry Potter!

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Sorry i'll try and be a bit quicker and longer chapters next time. My apologies.

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The next day, after lunch Hermione Granger and Harry Potter were finally cleared from the Hospital Wing and were on their way up to the headmaster's office. They went together because both had decided that they needed to discuss their plans with him. Hermione had not been happy when she learned that Harry had snitched but was happy that they were no-longer alone in it.

Upon reaching the gargoyle the simply stated, "licorice snaps" and walked up. They were half the way up the stairs when they both suddenly stopped. They glanced at each other as they both sat down on the step. Once they had their bearings they now realized that they had an even better reason to visit Albus Dumbledore.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore was sitting in his office having tea and crumpets with none other than the Head of House for Gryffindor, Minerva McGonagall. They were just discussing what to do that day when they were interrupted by someone outside his office door. Albus knew right off the back, exactly who it was just like he always did since the door was Magicked so that whoever came within three feet of it had their identity revealed to him and him alone. He allowed his visitors entrance and noticed that they both seemed quite flustered and slightly bothered by something.

"Good afternoon Mr. Potter, Miss. Granger. I see you have managed to escape the infirmary rather quicker than most," Dumbledore spoke with amusement. His eyes were twinkling slightly as he joked.

"Yes, Sir, Good Afternoon to you too Headmaster, Professor," Hermione said.

"Headmaster, we'll we actually were wishing to talk to you about something but then… on the way up here we recalled what happened to us," Harry said practically whispering the last bit.

"Do tell us then," Professor McGonagall politely demanded.

Hermione ended up telling her part and what she knew of Harry's part before he said a single word. She told how she had gone up to the stone and placed her wand in the crevice there as the mist crept out of its cell. Harry had been beside her, and could see it all, but then she didn't see him anymore and then the next thing she knew she had collapsed on the stone room from magical exhaustion. Then she told the rest of it, about how she had awoken on the floor in what appeared to be an abandoned work space and that after awhile a door appeared and after hours of prying, begging, and much spell casting the door opened. That she had then come face to face with a wall of silver and gold mist, which she braved and walked through it. How the only thing she say before blacking out was Harry.

From there Harry told of how he had been standing there, noticed the crest and the stone to connect them all. Harry said that he had simply taken out his wand and placed it there when mist emitted itself through the stones and then near that stone it turned gold and then, a few moments later, Hermione appeared. Harry stated that when she blacked out he had caught her and sat her on the stairs before collapsing himself.

The professors were both shocked, to say the least. Dumbledore almost dropped the lemon drop he had been about to pop into his mouth only moments before.

* * *

They had sat for hours going over the details and coming to the decision that they would attempt to do it the next day when they all headed to dinner and then bed. Though, Harry and Hermione didn't go to sleep for hours after. And despite the fact that neither was asleep they didn't talk or even sit in the same area. They both simply sat on opposite sides of the common room mulling over their thoughts.


	12. Chapter 12 the attempt

**DISCLAIMER: I do not now, nor will i ever own Harry Potter i am simply a devoted, if not completely insane, fan of J.K's series.**

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Sorry for the lateness but it may occur a bit more often than planned because of the musical i am in and stuff, ENJOY!

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Headmaster Dumbledore, Minerva McGonagall, Hermione Granger, and Harry Potter stood in front of the wall they had been discussing lately. Madame Pomfrey on her way so that she would be there if needed as well, though they hoped it would be for naught. A few moments later the Matriarch of Hogwarts infirmary joined them.

"Albus, which of us do you think should do it?" Minerva questioned hesitantly.

Albus continued staring at the wall in deep concentration for a good two minutes before replying.

"Well, Minerva, as much as I would like to be the one to do it I think that we should allow Mr. Potter and Miss. Granger to do it." Upon seeing that Poppy was about to dispute his resolve he quickly cut her off before she was able to even say a word. "Poppy, I realize they were just in the infirmary recently because of the side effects of this wall. However, the wall HAS accepted them through and I do not think that it does so with everyone. Hence why I think it would be unwise for anyone else, myself included, to do this," the headmaster stated calmly.

After that no-one thought to argue, seeing that once again Dumbledore had used infallible logic. Hermione then stepped up to the wall and pressed her wand against the wall and the mist appeared lust like before and then she was gone. Harry, having made up his mind that he wouldn't wait but a few moments before he did what he had done before.

So, as Harry stepped up, he took out his wand as well as taking a deep breath to steady himself. The next thing everyone saw was not at all what they had been expecting. Instead of mist appearing and then Hermione coming out of the wall to Harry, he simply went through like she had.

**oOoOoOo**

On the other side Hermione was entranced with what was before her. The little room she had awoken in last time did not look bare any longer with the light she spread with her _lumos_. All she could see was books, scrolls, parchment, quills, ink, and a few doors in the back or the small room. Hermione knew better than to say this was nothing because, even though it was quite small for a library, she sensed the books it contained were rare, lost, old, precious, antiques, powerful, coveted, and invaluable. Needless to say, the know-it -all bookworm was speechless. Before she could even contemplate where she would begin she felt the air around her shift and then a warm hand on her arm. For some reason she couldn't explain, even if she had tried, she knew it was Harry behind her. Since she knew it Harry she didn't feel the need to pull out her wand or even turn around.

"It's amazing," she breathed out, still gazing at the wonderful books before her.

"I'm surprised that you can still be here, only looking," harry said with a light chuckle.

Hermione gave him a short snort before automatically doing what he had said, simply on instinct. And so they stayed, reading everything and anything. They didn't worry about the time or anything at all. They did, however, send Harry's _patronus_ with a message so the adults wouldn't worry.

**oOoOoOo**

Out in the stairwell the three adults had in fact been starting to worry, but had become at ease again when they heard Harry's voice speaking through his stag patronus. It had appeased them well enough that they were now thinking of simply heading up to the Headmaster's office to await the two soon to be sixth years. They didn't, though because, after debating about it they decided to wait a good half-hour longer. They were sure that they would not take any longer than three hours or so and they were right.

Just as the third hour of them being in there was approaching the mist started to from. And the next thing anyone saw was two beaming but tired smiles.

"Hello Headmaster, Professor, Madame, how about we discuss this someplace?" Harry and Hermione stated somewhat at the same time and both looking quite excited. The three adults nodded and then the Headmaster led them up the stairs to his office.


	13. Chapter 13 THE TOME

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER!**

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I KNOW IT'S TAKING FOREVER TO UPDATE BUT IM BUSY BUT HOPEFULLY IT WILL PICK UP IN A FEW WEEKS BUT RATHER THAN GIVING YOU NOTHING THIS WILL JUST BE SHORT.

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Hermione was beaming and bouncing in her seat as she told the adults all about the books! She was just so happy to be learning new things. She had already finished reading and memorizing all the books in the Hogwarts library ages ago so this would be a good thing. Though Ron would be upset by it but his abandoning Harry makes his opinion even less important than it was before, and that was not that much mind you. So to say she was thrilled would be the understatement of the century.

Harry was just watching Hermione with a bemused expression on his face. It was nice to see her so excited. So he simply sat without fidgeting too much. He sat in the identical chair as hers just a few feet over from hers. They were the only two on that side of the desk, too.

Dumbledore sat in his chair opposite them behind his desk with McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey on either side standing.

They asked if they had found what they were looking for in any of the books they had read so far. That question was met by a long silence before Hermione was about to burst with tears since she was so frustrated since she hadn't found it nor had she been specifically looking for it. That is when everyone noticed that Harry was smirking.

"What?" he said when he noticed all their eyes on him?

"Why exactly are you smirking, Mr. Potter?" McGonagall asked him since no-one else spoke up.

"Oh, come on! You guys really think I'd leave there without at least a clue for figuring out about the veil to know if we could you know…" he stated as he trailed up at the end. He still hadn't quite mastered saying his godfather's name or much of anything about it without getting all choked up and emotional.

The Headmaster cleared his throat to clear away the awkward silence.

"Well, yes, um quite. Our bad, um mind sharing that information?" Albus Dumbledore asked, stuttering over what to say slightly.

They all watched as he pulled out an old tome from the pocket in his robes.

He handed it over to Hermione because he knew of all people she'd probably be the best to interpret and care for such an old tome. He also felt kind of guilty for keeping it a secret from her. She reached her hand out and took it from him, meeting his eyes. She saw the guilty in them and so she conveyed through her own expression that all was forgiven, but just to make sure he got the message she whispered, "It's all okay".

Immediately she knew that he understood so she took the book and flipped through it.

"Any specific page you found knowledgeable?" Hermione asked Harry since he had to have picked it up for a reason and its title was not much help.

It was titled: _**Visits Here and There.**_

The author wasn't even named it was so strange.

Harry simply said, "Page 394 is the beginning of what I believe is a section based on the Veil"

I looked at him surprised he actually remembered the exact page number. It was also hilarious that the number was the same number werewolves were on in our third year Defense Against the Dark Arts book. The one that not many people turned to earning glares from Snape since he had been subbing. I was smiling think about that year and with Professor Lupin.

I opened up the book to the previously stated page number. I then began to read it out loud for everyone to hear.


	14. Chapter 14 page 394

**_DISCLAIMER:I do NOT own harry potter, at all._**

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don't get used to the updates but FYI the more review the more chapters. I don't care what you say just say it in a review!

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_**The passage through the arch in between the worlds**_

_**The Threshold Archway would be amazing if it ever were to be completed. With it you can go through to the "other side" and spend some time with the loved ones you lost or make emends with your enemies. You could even go through to simply see where they ended up and if they were happy. In retrospect you would be able to visit heaven or hell. The voyage would not be permanent unless you choose simply to never return. If you never returned then you would be considered dead to those of the living but if you so chose to you could reenter later on if say, your grand children were born or your kids were injured, getting married or not moving on past your "death". This could also be a failsafe way to survive a war. The only flaws it has is that it has yet to be finished as in its test run the inventor went through himself and never came back. So whether he died going through, was unable to come back through or he chose not to come back we shall never know because no-one has stepped up to finish it or test it again. The other major flaw is its temptation factor. If you go to the other side for a loved one then you may not have a good enough reason to come back and while that is all fine and dandy for you and those that have already passed over it makes people that were left behind depressed. **_

_**This lovely creation of an invention by Ignatius Prewitt is my all time favorite, though it has yet to be proven that it works. It is theorized that the person that crosses over is immediately met by all of their family members, friends, and other loved ones. This is something most people won't be able to tear themselves away from, hence the temptation/addiction factor it has. The veil is currently located in the Ministry of Magic in the Department of Mysteries under the subsection of never finished work of high to minimal risk. Page 394**_

That was the page in the book on the veil. It was only a page but it held many of the answers to our questions. I knew Hermione was coming to some of the same conclusions as I was because I could practically hear and see the gears grinding in her head.

This explains it all, just about

We were going to have to go to the Ministry of magic and worse yet, the department of mysteries.

My face darkened at the idea of going their yet again, I still had trouble going anywhere that has the potential to reminded me of my godfather….Sirius…it hurts just thinking his name. At least now there was a chance that I could see him again if I were to go through the veil. Oh wait it supposedly doesn't work properly, oh well maybe Hermione and I could figure it out. Or at least I think that Hermione could, I'd be more likely to just get in the way.

Speaking of Hermione, she's looking at me. It's like she's trying to figure out if something will work or not and the answer is escaping her by being right under her nose.

"Hermione? Are you okay?" I asked. "Do I have something on my face?"

She seemed to hesitate but replied she must have decided to say what she was thinking on, finally.

"I was….um...just wondering if you….um would be…you know….okay making the … um… trip….again?" she said while staring at the floor. She was stuttering the entire time.

I knew what she was talking about. The Department of Mysteries I thought, shivering. I knew I'd probably never think about that place without having bad feelings of some sort.

"Yeah, I mean not really but I have to. It's the only way. Just like it was the only way earlier this summer." I said.

"The way you thought that you should join him or the way you had to be there to find a way?" She asked it but it was a bit accusatory too. I mean yeah if it hadn't been for the fact that my parents sacrifice to me would have been worthless, then that Sirius would have been royally pissed, add to the fact that Hermione had not yet deserted me then I'd already be on the other side. I am not kidding I was completely ready to die, to leave it all behind. I just didn't want my parents or godfather and Cedric having died in vain. Besides I still had one friend by my side. And that one friend was the one and only Hermione Jean Granger.

"I was talking about the studying thing," I said mumbling into my shirt. She nodded, seemingly aware of how I was getting uncomfortable and that the teachers were still there. She turned to them to distract them from analyzing what she had just said and hinted/implied about.

"So, I think we are going to have to head to the Ministry of Magic," she stated calmly. "That is if we are to continue our mission. I mean I am totally still doing this and I'd guess half my collection of books that Harry is too. So, what about you professors, are you three still in?"

This diversion tactic seemed to work. All three of them seemed to snap out of their own private trains of thought. This reaction seemed to please Hermione and she was happy when all three of them agreed to come along for the trip. It was decided that they would not go until the first Hogsmeade visit for the year. That way they could all get some sleep and a bit of work don. They could also catch up with a few friends and acquaintances.

After all those details were decided upon Hermione and I took our leave and headed to bed. Some of those details were things like meet here at 7:30 and don't be late but eat first and that the password would be _pixie dust. _Pixie Dust was apparently some type of muggle sweet of powdered and flavored sugar that Dumbledore had just found out about. And by _found out about _I mean he is currently obsessed and addicted to them.


	15. Chapter 15 in hermione's head

**_DISCLAIMER_**: I NO OWN hp AT ALL MUCH TO MY SADNESS! SO NO THINKING IT KUSE THEN YOU'D BE WRONG. hahaha IT'D BE KINDA FUN IF YOU WERE WRONG THOUGH!

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**September 28****th**

Today was the first Hogsmeade visit for the new school year. It was Saturday and classes had been going on for three weeks now. Harry and I were just on our way to the headmaster's office. We had been silent so far because we were both so deep in our thoughts. Or at least it seemed like he was, and I was simply think about what could be running through his head right now. I know this trip won't be easy for him. The only reason he was able to stand being there in the summer for longer than an hour or so was the Dursleys.

The fact that it was spend your time being abused and alone or being with your one and only friend in an area that depresses you trying to rectify the reason it was depressing. Now, he was only going because there was a chance it would be solved today and he HAD to be there. I also knew that it was important that he be involved in just about every step that he can because it eats him up alive to do nothing when the last thing he has even close to family is gone. But there is a chance he could be reunited again and that is just about all he has to cling to.

Yeah, we have had some pretty deep and thought filled conversations. Whenever we are talking I always get this urge to just give him a big hug and make sure all the sadness in his life disappears. I know he doesn't usually show it, he's really good at wearing masks, but I can see it in the eyes. His eyes are a beautiful and vibrant green. They are also constantly accompanied by a shadow of sadness. Even in his first year, and I think that Harry has always had it. Or at least ever since his parents were murdered.

Only once I have seen his eyes almost completely without the shadow. That was when he found out that he had a godfather and that he wasn't a traitor and that he both loved and wanted him. That was the one and only time. The get a bit brighter when he is given hugs, after the shock of getting one goes away that is.

I REALLY want to hurt the Dursleys for all that they put him through both physically and mentally. Ronald had told me in first year about how Harry would curl up in his bed so tight, as if he didn't have and more space. That he would always be up at dawn and have all their stuff ready and everything cleaned. That he had literally freak out when he was thanked, asked to come to breakfast, and told that it wasn't his job to do all that work. That the House Elves took care of it all, so he could relax. I had personally noticed how he barely ate and flinched when people came too close or yelled. He even trembled whenever the headmaster would refer to him as "boy", or "my boy".

All in all I HATE the Dursleys for what they have done to him and how it has affected him. If I didn't know that Harry would hate me for doing anything to them, or even mentioning something to them, then I would have done something. However, I do know how he feels about this so therefore I don't do anything about it. _But if I did I have read enough books and learned enough spells, hexes, jinxes, and charms to get both my point across and do some damage, I thought ruefully. _


	16. Chapter 16 harry's side

_**DISCLAIMER**__**: I do not own Harry Potter or anything associated with it.**_

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**I was reading my reviews and this one made by Jim Red Hawk was hilarious and I thank you for making me laugh. Review plz!**

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There we were, just standing, and looking up at the Ministry of Magic's front and formal entrance. We could have just used the techniques that we used to enter and exit undetected, but it wasn't to be. I would probably have felt a ton better if we had; less demons of the past to face. I knew there were reasons, logical ones, that made it so that we had to do this as close to the book as possible. One of them was that while it is fairly easy to look over two kids in the middle of a busy it would be much harder now that those two kids were joined up with three adults. The fact that they were all very powerful, respected and/or well known and loved made it even more difficult. Also the fact was that it would be better in the long run to go through Fudge. This way he won't feel slighted and then we won't have to cover our tracks quite so much. I mean really, how exactly are they supposed to explain how a dead man is actually alive? I can see it now: **Boy-Who-Lived Conquers Death**; the new headline for the Daily Prophet. Yeah because that will work out oh so very well with me I don't like what my fame has done and that would just add to all the annoyances.

So that was why we were standing there. We finally moved along and enter the Ministry. The first step inside was when I froze. They had finally rebuilt the atrium completely. It was not actually changed in any way from what it used to be like but nothing in it was broken or destroyed. Fudge had decided he would just do it all off of the old designer's plans because he didn't want to spend the money on a new designer and artist or anything else.

So I was instantly pulled into my memories. The next thing I knew Hermione was calling my name. I jerked back to the present with a slight shake of my head. I saw that Hermione was still looking at me and her eyes held worry but also a question. _Are you sure about this?_

I hesitated before I nodded, and an almost undetectable one at that too. Satisfied she looked away and they all began their long treks to the minister's office for their meeting. We had thought about just dropping in unannounced but that would not be very respectable, now would it? Since we were kissing butts to avoid trouble latter on in getting what we desire we had to almost run there seeing as how we were almost late.

Three long, boring, tedious, and headache deserving hours we were headed to the lifts. This time headed downwards to the Department of Mysteries. we promised that we would give Fudge some positive mentioning if it all worked out and absolutely no blame if it didn't. We also got a pardon for Sirius; dead or alive. To add to this they were being allowed to take the arch to Hogwarts and the Ministry would supply us with all the notes and things that were in any way related to it for us to use. So, yes this did require many heated and slightly depressing discussions and a TON of parchment-work, but now it was all taken care of. To top it all off we were a little bit closer to saving my godfather!

We soon were making our way to the very room of the veil. I was so glad that Hermione had decided to grab my hand. I ken I shouldn't have been this bother seeing as how had been here quite a bit during the summer, but that was with only Hermione and somehow extremely different. This time I'd be having the Minister of Magic, Headmaster of Hogwarts, Head of Gryffindor House, Hogwarts' very own Healer, Head unspeakable to add to the attendee list. The mantra _You can do this Harry_ was constantly running through my head. In the end I didn't run away or show and real outwards emotion that would be able to be detected if you didn't know me real well, like Hermione instinctively did.


	17. Chapter 17 ZZzzZzzZZzzz

**_Disclaimer: I own Nothing that you may recognize because i am not JK so yeah..._**

****_A/N: Sry for the long break but i've been in Mexico, working, _and spending time with my Nieces. It may be short but i thought you all would prefer that to me waiting another month so here ya go! 3

They ended up putting the veil in the room off of the stairs to the headmaster's office. Because that seemed to be the only place they had that no one knew about. The room of requirement had been used by too many people for it to be a safe option for it. This way they would be able to use the headmaster as a cover story for anyone who questioned where they were going and things like that. They had decided that no matter what the only people to know would be Madame Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall, Headmaster Dumbledore, and us: Hermione Granger and Harry Potter.

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Hermione and I were headed to our first period class of the day: Potions with the Slytherins. I decided that it was going to be a horrible day because of the fact that we had missed breakfast and gotten very little sleep the night before. It was a Monday and they were expected to be at class even though after spending the entire weekend reading up on the veil they were exhausted. Luckily they weren't late for potions and didn't draw any attention to themselves. Hermione and I had been partnering up in all of our classes because I used to be with Ron and her with Neville. Ron and I still hadn't repaired the friendship he had severed and it seemed that despite how much loyalty Neville had toward Harry and Hermione he was going to be on Ron's side because he was allowing him a bigger chance at being the person his Grandmother wished him to be. He was making him his right-hand man, even if I thought it was reluctant. So there we were sitting in our seats just waiting for Snape to come in. He seemed to be going for that "dramatic entrance" or whatever. Well, I guess it was kind of a bit of a shock to the rest of the class when they were suddenly being glared at for having dared talk in his classroom. Anyway we brewed a potion to cure a hangover which made me think that maybe Snape chooses potions for us to brew that are used for him. He did seem more moody today but I think it would have been better if he had gotten the potion beforehand because now I have a detention for having a thicker potion than I was supposed to.

The next class was a tad better but by lunch I was about ready to fall asleep in my food. "You should ask Madame Pomfrey for a potion to help you wake up Harry," Hermione stated. "Why don't you get one for yourself then you were up just as late as I was? Wait why do you look so bloody cheerful?" Harry asked suspiciously. Hermione seemed reluctant to tell him but finally caved saying, "I know you stayed up after I did Harry you aren't the type of person to be able to fall asleep very fast with things on your mind and you have lately. So I was a tad bit worried and ended up asking a house-elf to tell me when you fell asleep and come get me if you hadn't after awhile." "You asked something of a house-elf?" said Harry, shock evident in his voice. "I'm not proud of it but it was necessary and I was desperate and well they do seem to like working...I guess I just... I did use manner you know I asked not ordered but…" Hermione defended, trailing off near the end of her babbling. Harry stopped eating and put his fork back down to stare at her for a moment before he spoke. "Hermione I didn't mean it like that I was just shocked that you would be so worried about me that you overlooked some of your morals. I mean it's just me," Harry said shyly. Hermione opted not to reply and simply shook her Head sadly and continued eating. They had this argument about his self-worth all the time and she simply could convince him yet. But he was worth it and he doesn't even know how true that statement is to her and her heart.


	18. Chapter 18 Hedwig

_**Disclaimer:**__**I do not own any of this.**_

_**Author's Note:**__** I, again apologize for the shortness and for it being a little confusing, as well as any butchering I did to the way elves talk/and spelling.**_

"Dumbleydore is a very wise man Oh yes Dobby think he is oh so very wise" said Dobby to Winky and Hedwig. "Winky believes Dobby oh yes she does," exclaimed Winky and Hedwig hooted softly in agreement. "Dobby thinks that his Harry Potter and Grangy be very happy on the potion. Hedwig, you see it be a potion to make no thoughts that is true be dismissed by lies," Dobby stated. Winky nodded saying, "Oh yes it does now they's be happy with each other."

This conversation was happening as the made there way down from the fourth floor corridor. You see they had to clean a few rooms there and they liked to talk on the way back. Hedwig had been with the two elves for a few months because Harry didn't want her to be on her own and lonely, so since she got along with them the elves took her. It wouldn't have worked for Hermione to take her because then she would have demanded a reason. Harry didn't want to have to tell her that he was going to end his life. No, that would have been far too awkward…not that she didn't find out any way. Then he had so much to do and he still wasn't quite sure if he'd live for more than just a year be it him ending it, staying behind the veil, or Voldemort. Until he would not have so many things going on and the matter of his life length was settled he wanted her to be taken care of, loved, and not able to share in his pain quite so much.

And these are the exact thoughts that brought a boy who was clouded in invisibility up to the Astronomy Tower. That boy's name is Harry Potter. He stood on the windows ledge and looked down thinking, just thinking. Over and over thought turned in his mind as the wind blew through his hair. He wondered if he brought Hedwig back to him if he would ever be able to let her go only ever saw her when he need to send mail because she was such a special owl that she knew when he needed something she could offer, most times. He wondered if more than just Hermione, Hedwig and Dobby would miss him if he did jump this time. You see he had been coming up here almost every night since they had gotten to Hogwarts. But he didn't want to jump if there was still hope that he could bring Sirius back to him.

Once again after about two and a half hours of sitting and contemplating he made his way back down and towards his dormitory. Harry also got into a mental state where he was able to not think about or even recall the thoughts and memories he had been thinking about surrounding Hedwig because they were painful and distracting to his work on getting his Godfather back. He might not have been able to block other people from seeing into his mind but he had become rather good at blocking himself over the summer. So that's what he did on the trek back only stopping once to say the password, "lace wings" to the Fat Lady, which was kind of a good thing since that meant he didn't get caught out of bed in the middle of the night/early hours of the morning and earn a detention. The second his head hit the pillow he fell asleep, deep and dreamless sleep for the first time in close to three months. Apparently wearing yourself out knocks you out quite soundly after awhile.


	19. Chapter 19 In Ron's Head

**Disclaimer:**** Harry Potter is all JK's not mine.**

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**A/N: **I think that I will be continuing to do short chapters so that this way I will be able to upload sooner but like before there maybe a few long ones thrown in. I apologize if this upsets anyone. Also I lost track of the timeline so sorry if it's a bit off.

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**October 1****st**

Ronald Weasley was not a very bright young man. He had always been using Hermione to get the grades he has and he no longer had the ability to use her notes and therefore was dropping very drastically grade wise. He just wasn't trying at all. He would never do his homework, instead choosing to goof off with his friends. His mother was noticing and so now he was not getting daily reminders of how important his grade were to get a decent job. Because of this he was extremely pissed at the world so he decided to to get a laugh out of picking on his old friend Harry Potter. He began to formulate a plan because as bad as he was in his classes grade wise he was still, and always would be, the king at strategy, which was why he never lost a game of chess. Ever.

He would give Dobby one of the new candies Fred and George had given him that would change your hair color to green or neon pink color. So that Dobby could give it to harry for dinner. He already had told Colin Creevey to have his camera at dinner so that way there would be documented evidence. Best of all he would be the fact that everyone will think that it was Malfoy so he'd be off scot free. He did after all have a question about his Potions homework and since the only person he knew that would have the answer he didn't want her to be mad. He needed to get his grades back up because his mum was getting on his case.

He got to dinner that evening early so as not to miss the show. It was right after the deserts appeared that it happened. Harry Potter now supported a head full of Slytherin green hair and a shocked and angry expression. Colin did in fact stand up and get a picture saying that if anyone wanted one they could buy it from him for a nut per photo and Lunch the next day. I just sat there and laughed along with most of the entire Great Hall. Even a few of the staff were chuckling. Harry of course simply stormed out of the Hall a few moments later, clearly embarrassed and mad at whoever had done it.

Ron Weasley was happy and went up to bed with a smile on his face. He had not only done a prank of harry potter that made the staff laugh and not get himself into trouble but he had also cornered Hermione on the way up to Gryffindor Tower and was able to ask her the Potions question and I actually understood what she had said so that he had been able to finish the essay. He may even be able to be friends with Hermione again. Not harry though, his pride could only take so many blows and despite that fact that he knew deep down he missed the friendship and he only pranked him to be funny and let off steem he could bear to have a friend that would sink as low as suicide. Yes, he knew about it because that was one of the reasons for why they never talked. Harry thought about it Ron picked up on it and he blew up at Harry and they hadn't talked since. 'Maybe someday I'll atleast tell him why,' Ron thought, 'Bcause he doesn't know that I can't handle suicide not with how my mum's brothers committed it when I was 6 years old'


	20. Chapter 20 Harry

_**Disclaimer: I do not own it.**_

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_**A/N: I hope you guys are okay with the new lengths but as you can see with this I am updating a lot more!**_

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**October 2nd Lunch Time-Harry's point of view**

As I was walking to lunch that day I had my head bowed so I didn't notice the crowd of people waiting in a line to buy a photo of me from yesterday. I was just so embarrassed and all about what had happened and the fact that my hair was still green was so not helping things. I had already been sick of the stars and laughter after my first class and if it had been up to me I would have said I was sick and ditched, however, Hermione was not about to let that happen. And if what she is currently saying is what the plan is it looks like I'll have to eat in the Great Hall for Lunch as well.

"Harry I am sorry but you must keep your head up and face the music as my mum always says. You have to eat so you are going to have to go in there at some point and I don't want to sit by myself," Hermione stated with assurance.

I didn't bother pointing that I was perfectly capable of going without food for awhile and even if I couldn't I did happen to know where the kitchens were. I also didn't tell her that sitting by me on a day like this would be much worse than being by yourself. I knew it was all true but I also knew that Hermione wouldn't care and she wasn't in Gryffindor without a reason meaning that she was not going to hide nor would she allow him to hide. So I settled for agreement to make her smile. I do love her smiles…. Wait where did that come from? Oh well it is true after all.

"All right Hermione I'll go in but only to eat then we'll go to the library," I practically huffed at her. And she ginned because she loved it when I agreed and she loved to go to the library. It was a win-win for her and I got to make her smile…Therefore I was happy.

So we went on in, neither noticing the photo line until we got inside and noticed two things. One everyone turned to look at us and two was the flash of Colin's camera clicking yet again, saying that this one would be up for sale by dinner. Hermione grabbed my hand and dragged us over to the Gryffindor table and plunked me down on the end while she sat down gracefully on the other side. We ate in silence, communicating only with our occasional glances like how she glared at me to sit back down when right after she had let go of my hand (which took longer than normal. Wonder why?)And I had tried to bolt.

We eventually made it to the library and worked on homework for what seemed like hours but was really only like 35 minutes. Then we had to get to class and all so we said by since she had Ancient Runes and I had Divination because when I had been given the option of a hard class or an easy one, I picked easy and this was what I ended up with. Of course at the time I had it with my best friend Ron but now I have it with my EX-best friend Ron.

I still am not quite sure as to the exact reason we weren't friends I just know it has something to do with my suicide issues. I had sent him a letter and it was what I thought was happy but for a suicidal person like myself "happy" isn't exactly my thing and he guessed I was suicidal and then said we couldn't be friends. I think it kind of ironic that the very thing that kicked me over the edge was my friend breaking our friendship because I was having thoughts about suicide so really he made happen what he didn't want to have happen because of what he did. Not that I blame him, I don't, I blame myself. But while I know all that I don't know why he reacted the way he did nor do I know if anyone told him that my thoughts had become actions a few times but always interrupted by him until he wasn't there anymore. Does he know that was the reason for why Hermione knew, because Hedwig had gone from Dobby to her rather than to him to get me help?

That was the last thought I had in my head before I sat down in a random seat and turned to stare at that day's partner, Ron Weasley.


	21. Chapter 21 Truce?

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**_

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**A/N:** _I hope ya'll like it and to let you know this is NOT how I as a person would have had the Harry Potter series go but I wanted to write a few of the different alternative ways it would have ended if JK had gone a different path with it. Just like how any of my other stories will be because I love Harry Potter so much that I am hard pressed to hate any version of it._

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**October 2****nd****-Ron's point of View**

I was quite shocked to see Harry sit beside me, even though he was unaware of it at the time. The thing that was even more shocking was that even after he noticed he had only blinked and then began to get out his latest journal. He didn't mind sitting with me! And he was talking to me!

"Hey Ron, looks like were partners…," Harry said while kind of waving-awkwardly too.

"Yeah….," I said letting my words drift off. "Did you do your journal?"

"I did but, well um some of them were faked. Like, you know how we um used to do it, "he said in a way that seemed offhand but not to me. I knew him too well he was scared of saying anything wrong, he didn't know where he stood with me. I mean we did basically go from being the absolute best friends in the world to not talking in a matter of seconds almost.

I decided that we would need to talk because even I need to know where we stand. But that talk would have to wait until we won't lie or anything. So I simply nodded. And he smiled slightly so I knew we understood each other in a way. Both of us knew one thing: we had to talk, and that was all that mattered at the moment.

We ended up working quietly for the rest of the lesson only talking occasionally when needed but at least the silence was amicable and no longer strained.

After class we walked together to the library to meet up with Hermione. All of us would of course need to talk because no one could have missed how close Harry and Hermione were, they were practically joint at the hip whenever possible. So she'd need to hear the sides of the story never told and would choose a choice that unless it was outrageous I knew Harry would agree, heck I'd probably agree too. She does have that power over us, ever since we became friends and even slightly before that.

When we reached the library they saw Hermione had already set up camp and was working on something energetically. The look on her face was bloody hilarious. She was slightly peeved that she was interrupted and that I was there and confused when she saw harry but then, I her face broke out into this huge grin and I knew that she had wanted this sort of thing to happen. She had guessed what it meant and was almost right. If her words were anything to go by that is, and they were, are, and always be.

"So you two made up? Right?" Hermione spoke assuredly.

"No, but we are working on it," I said slowly so that if I WAS wrong than Harry could step in at any moment.

"We need to talk so I think we might have to cut study time short and not go, you know," Harry said before even had a chance to say anything. He also had said the last bit slower than the rest and glanced at me, but I guessed they were bound to have new secrets that I hadn't been there for.

She agreed, pack up and then left the library with us trailing behind her somewhat. That is until she announced where she thought we ought to talk.

"We should use the Room of Requirement," She stated quite plainly. "I'll meet you there I just need to drop off my stuff, I'll take ya'lls for you if you want. This way you guys can have a moment of peace because when I get there we WILL be talking all of this out." She glared at us to make sure we understood and then walked off to the Dormitory with our bags that we had just handed her.


	22. Chapter 22 Harry's Story

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry potter**

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**A/n: ENJOY! This one is actually not THAT short!**

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**WARNING: Mention of abuse and suicide but not in great detail. You have been warned.**

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**October 2****nd****-Room of Requirement**

**Hermione's Point of View**

I knew as I approached the door I was probably going to be heading into a rather long awkward silence. I went on in anyway, after passing the area 3 times as per usual, armed with the ideas I had thought up on the walk to and from Gryffindor and my ink well, quill and parchment were with me as well.

"I hope you have gotten all your silences out of the way because there will not be many, if any, from this point on," I said in my 'get down to business' voice as I walked in.

I received two shock and nervous filled looks but I ignored them.

"All right I do believe that this will take up all our time for tonight so we will have to take a break for dinner because we should all have food at some point tonight. And I want to have this talk openly but not heated tempers, myself included," I said glaring softy at them each in turn. "Now I think that harry should explain everything and then Ron can explain his as I explain mine and such." I pointed at Harry for him to start talking.

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**Harry's Point of View**

I took a deep breath and, deciding to come completely clean, I began my story.

"I guess I should start from the beginning, to clarify a few points. You see I have lied, or at least down played my life to everyone who has ever asked since I was 6 years old and in kindergarten. My name is Harry James Potter-

"We know your name Harry," Ron stated confused.

"Yes but I wish to start from the beginning and part of this story you know and those parts you may understand when you hear the rest. You see my name is Harry James Potter and my parents' names were James Potter and Lily Evans Potter. I learned my name when I when I started kindergarten at the age of 5. I didn't learn my parents' name until I was eleven. I learned my name because they used it in school and my parents' names because Hagrid told me their names when he told me about the wizarding world, for the first time, despite being a half-blood. I was always called 'boy' or something worse like 'freak' as I was growing up.

I live with my mum's sister Aunt Petunia Evans Dursley and her husband Uncle Vernon Dursley. Along with them there was my cousin Dudley Dursley and the neighbor Mrs. Figg. I was never told about magic till Hagrid even though my Aunt and Uncle knew and my neighbor was a squib in the Order of the Phoenix.

I lived in a cupboard under the stairs until the Hogwarts letters started arriving. My only friends, during all that time, were the spiders in my 'room'. I learned to clean and cook before I turned 8. And I learned the outside chores the day I started 1st grade. I was never allowed to be better than Dudley or I'd get beaten. Dudley couldn't even get a 'D' if he tried while I got 'C's' without even trying so I got beaten quite a bit. Same went if I burnt food or if the lawn and garden was not perfect.

I woke up by sunrise and went to bed at midnight if I wanted any food that day. If I did get food that I didn't steal from the kitchens then it would be scrapes. I was their servant and a nice punching bag, Dudley loved that part. In fact Dudley's favorite game was 'Harry Hunting' with his friends," I stood up after I said all that. I was In need of a moment to gather my emotions and some time to gauge theirs. After a five minute bathroom break I picked it back up.

"It was the threat of his belt or being locked out side in the dead of winter again that made me keep it all a secret. And I have, until this moment because I was terrified, and I did not believe that anyone would believe me or care even if they did. And with you two, I just wanted to be normal enough to keep my very first friends. I thought you guys might agree with them, that I'm a freak…."

"Never!"They both shouted at the same time.

"You know it's not true Harry you are not a freak," Hermione continued.

"I am starting to believe that but I've had some relapses occasionally. But, yeah, back to the story. When I heard about this world I was so happy, maybe I'd be normal her, but that shattered in all of 2 minutes when Hagrid said I was famous. And to top that I learned that the reason I was famous was the reason my parents were killed. I learned that day that my parents weren't ever poor drunks that died in a car crash. It was a very big day for me. And from there you know what happened first year. I had even asked Dumbledore if I could stay at m the castle for the summer, because it was better here. He told me no and that cemented my belief that no one cared, because that had been the closest I had ever come to telling the truth.

That leaves us at second year so I'll skip to the end of it, to the Chamber of Secrets. While I was down there I had been injured by the Basilisk I'd have died if Fawkes hadn't of been there. The thing you guys don't know about that was that, other than wanting to say good bye to you two I was not at all troubled with dying and a small part of me was sad that I didn't. That was one hard summer. That thought goes for third year too. I was extremely depressed that summer though because I no longer was gunna get to stay with Sirius.

And then in fourth year I lost my first friend. I thought about suicide throughout my life for as long as I can remember but I had friends before it was too bad and that gave me enough reason to pause which led to doubt and I'd not do that time. That changed after fifth year. I sent Hedwig to Dobby so she'd be in good hands and I could die without an explanation but she'd know before I did it and go to you Ron, you'd write a letter and I'd stop for it each time. But them you found out and I didn't have your letters and Hermione's house was a longer was for Hedwig especially if he went to you first so I didn't stop the next time.

But I didn't do it hard enough to actually die before someone noticed so I did it harder but before I got far enough Hermione's letter came, along with her phone call. I answered it since the house was empty and she found out two. Was so happy I cried when she said she wasn't leaving me," I stopped there and all three of us stood up. We had a small hug each and then we headed down to the kitchens for some food. Each of us had tear track and were thinking rather than talking. I got some pumpkin juice and Sheppard's pie with a treacle tart, while they both had a chicken sandwich, water, and chocolate pudding.

We finished eating and then we walked back to the Room of Requirements to finish my story and then get Hermione's and Ron's sides of it.


	23. Chapter 23 Ron's Bit

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

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**A/N: hope you guys like it! Definitely not my best but then I think that about all so idk…**

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**October 2****nd**** –Room of Requirement**

**Harry's Point of View**

"Harry… I am so sorry," Ron said. "I didn't mean for that to happen because of , um what I did.."

I took a big, deep breath, that they both took note of before I replied with, "Ron it wasn't your fault and I do not blame you in any way I am the only one to blame. And yes, Hermione that does mean it wasn't your fault either," I spoke gently but sure. She just shook her head at me but smiled none the less.

"Another thing is that, my story doesn't end there although that is the climax, I guess. No that was just up to the first part of the summer. After that attempt I quit attempting for awhile but I had a particularly depressing day were I had contact with ya'll for days and I'd been yelled at more so than usual by my Aunt. I decided that I would go to the ministry of Magic and look at the veil again and I thought that if I passed through it then I'd be with my dead family or if not then maybe I'd find a way to bring Sirius back to me. That was when I learned the name of the veil. It is The Threshold Archway and it was invented by Ignatius Prewitt. Hermione actually found me there and so together we started researching and I recalled a book that had screamed at me about a veil in First year when I had been looking up Nicholas Flamel. So we went to Hogwarts when Dumbledore sent his permission. Ron, we found out all about the viel, and are currently working on correcting any of the mistakes Ignatius. But what neither of you know for a fact is that I haven't gone to bed before two in the morning. I go up to the Astronomy Tower most nights and I think, actually and truly think, about everything. You see I have to say really aand truly because of this new thing I can do. Lately I have been able to Occlude my mind, from myself and only me. I literally can't remember the, um the*cough*bad parts now unless I un block them like right now. That's how I'm able to go around like nothings changed all the time because to me, at those moments, it hasn't. Well I unblock them when I go to the tower and I consider jumping but I can't because I feel as though it would be selfish to jump and not just fix the viel. I mean just because I wanna be with … Sirius, doesn't mean he wants us both dead,"I said looking away because I had cheated. I had left something out and I knew Hermione would pick up on it. And she did.

"Harry, what were you going to say? I know you weren't going to say Sirius's name because you paused too long,"She asked gently but firm. "You do remember that we said no leaving things out, so please tell us Harry. We won't judge you, I promise."

Strangely I believed her but I still know that it would be Ron that'd not take so well to it. I nodded and said it.

"I was going to say dad. I know he was not my actual parent but he was the only one I had, that I knew something about other than the last moments of their lives. That is all I remember of my Mum and Father, their dying day and now I have Sirius', my dad's too. The only person who knew was me and him because in Fourth Year I asked him if I could over a floo call," I said kind of fast. I didn't want to have to repeat it but I hadn't wanted to say it in the beginning so it was fast talking.

They both sat there for a second before they both smiled and tackled me in a hug. Saying things like 'I am so happy for you', 'yeah!', and a chorus of 'I'm so sorry'.

"Yeah that's about it for my story, besides the fact that Dobby and Winky still have Hedwig," I said. "Ron, it's your turn." Ron gulped and nodded.

* * *

**Ron's Point of View**

"Well, I am not going to start from the beginning because it isn't necessary so I'll explain my part on the whole Hedwig deal and stuff, I guess," I stated nervously. "Every once inawhile Hedwig would just come to me, not with the post but to me at odd times. She even woke me up once bloody owl."

"Hey! It was my fault not my owl's she is innocent," Harry blurted out. This earned him a glare and a slap on the arm from Hermione, telling him to shut up.

"Yes, I realize that now but not then. But anyways, I'd have no idea what she was there for I mean, she didn't have a letter and she'd always had a letter even if it was just an explanation and a pleading. So I just sent along a letter I was planning on mailing when Pig came back. And eventually I started getting suspicious because of what he'd send back and how Hedwig still came empty and waited for a letter often. I made a few speculations and Harry over there confirmed one: suicidal thoughts. Hedwig came to me so that my letters would stop him, give him a little hope. But I didn't know I was Hedwig's first and only empty stop. I thought Hermione knew too. I can't deal with suicide at all. You see my mother's brothers, the twin brothers are said to have died killing Death Eaters but the truth is they survived that just long enough to… to kill themselves. I was 6 years and I was the one who had found them and told my mum. I had nightmares for years. I had lost my favorite family members and so I couldn't bear to lose my best friend to suicide too. I know I should have stayed by you and made sure you didn't commit it and that you understood your self-worth in this world was high and that I wanted you here. But in that moment I read your letter I was so angry that you would think that way and that no one had noticed, that I hadn't noticed. I was bloody scared so I just wrote you that letter and ignored Hedwig. I didn't know what it'd do to you. I didn't think. I almost killed you harry. If Hermione had taken a few more moments longer to write or if Hedwig had not made it to you, then you'd be dead because of me," I cried. I was bawling, and sobbing for him to forgive him. Harry knelt down next to me and in a rare moment he initiated contact with me, he hugged me. Whispering in my ear he spoke the following..

"I don't blame you, you are forgiven, I love you Ron. You are, have been and will always be my best friend."


	24. Chapter 24 Bit by bit, there's more

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

* * *

_**A/N: Sorry for the break. Enjoy 3**_

* * *

**October2nd nearing Midnight**

**Ron Weasley's Point of View**

I felt so much better when Harry said that. But I remembered that the reason his hair was currently green, though fading now, was because of me I felt I needed to confess that before I could believe his words. I gulped.

"Ha-Harry? I need to tell you one more thing."

"What Ron?" he answered me reproachfully while pulling out of the hug to look at me.

"I was the one who pranked you."

Stony silence followed that statement. Until Harry broke it.

"Why?" was all that he said.

I looked down before I replied.

"Because I needed to let off some steam and I would have gotten in trouble if I had done it to Malfoy and I figured not many would pick me as the culprit if it was you, they'd assume it was Malfoy,"I said all in a rush.

Hermione spoke next saying, "I understand that but it is still not right."

Harry simply nodded. He understood, it was a guy thing. But I could tell there was more to it, Harry would want retribution.

"Ron, I forgive you for it but I want you to turn yourself in. McGonagall will go easy on you if you turn yourself in and if you tell her I forgave you," harry said seriously while looking directly into my eyes.

I accepted that. I'd do it before breakfast as it was a little late to be doing it now. Which made me realize just how late it was, the clock in the room said it was 11:29. We hugged again and Hermione decided to point out the time.

"It's getting rather late; I do believe we should be off to bed. I don't wish to have detention this week, as we were planning on working on the Veil, right harry? (He nods) Anyway I guess you'll be joining that now too Ron," she said as she grabbed her things that had gone unused.

We headed back together and we didn't get caught. Although there was a particularly close call when Mrs. Norris was in the corridor adjacent to the one we were walking in. But she missed us as we rounded the next bend. Other than that we got back to Gryffindor Tower and into our beds without any mishaps.

* * *

The Next morning came all too quick for the renewed trio. But as Ron had to tell McGonagall about the prank before breakfast and he was not keen on the idea of missing breakfast to do that he had to get up.

When he finally got ready Harry and Hermione were already down in the common room waiting on him. They walked together until they reached McGonagall's office where he stayed and they went on ahead to breakfast.

I knocked somewhat quietly half hoping that she wouldn't hear and I could get away without doing it. Of course that plan failed because she has cat ears and cats hear everything. She said to enter and I did. I sat down before she had uttered another word.

"May I help you Mr. Weasley?" she said once I had sat down.

I looked up before quickly looking down. I gathered my Gryffindor courage and looked back up.

"Professor McGonagall, I want to confess that it was me who made Harry's hair turn green. I told him and he forgave me but wanted me to tell you."

"Well, I see. Mr. Wealsey could you tell me why you decided to turn Mr. Potter's hair green?" she asked me with her face stern.

"I wanted to blow off steam and figured everyone would assume it was Malfoy, not me, Professor."

This seemed to satisfy her. Instead of more questions she decided to tell me my punishment.

"Mr. Weasley I am glad that you have apologized and come forth in this matter. However, this does not excuse your actions even if they have been forgiven by Mr. Potter. Therefore, I will take points, but since you are being honorable about it you will not have to serve a detention. 2 points from Gryffindor, I believe shall be punishment enough. Do not let this happen again, Mr. Weasley or I may not be so lenient. Am I understood?" she said.

I nodded and said, "Yes, Professor." And then I was out the door and sitting at the breakfast table between Harry and Hermione telling them the good news. Hermione of course was upset over the point loss but happy that I hadn't gotten a detention. (She was extremely excited to show me the veil and tell me all about it.)


	25. Chapter 25 Professors

**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**A/N: Some have said that I shouldn't write this if I can't figure out why it "sucks" and I would love it if someone could tell me for I am lost as to what is so horrible and I would also like to know if I should continue on with this story. I have it all pre written in a notebook and with somewhat short chapters I was planning on it being over 40 chapters but if you all vote to discontinue it will be wrapped up rather quickly. I will not leave it hanging because I hate those stories that don't get finished but I will not write as often until I get some feedback because I'd hate to write a story no one would read. **

**October 4****th**

Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, and Ron Weasley were on their way to the Headmaster's office stairwell. They had not had any time to go work on the veil yesterday as they were all exhausted from the late night and then had a ton of homework to do. So while they had a few moments here and there to discuss the veil they had not had much of an opportunity to actually go to it until now.

They all had a free period and so they decided to go during it so that very few people would have the opportunity to see where they were headed. Hermione of course had already decided that she should give Ron the veil 101 crash course of what they hadn't already told them there so Hermione was excited while Ron was nervous because when Hermione tells you things she expects you to remember it all.

When they finally entered the room Harry gave Ron an apologetic smile and then set to work. Today he was going to be figuring out all of the different possibilities for altering and "tweaking" the veil that Ignatius had not already done. You see Ignatius had tried about 57 different variations and only the last one allowed passage to another place, no one knows what place that is though. So far Harry had come up with an additional 26 variations and Hermione and he agreed that when they found one more then they could move on to setting each one up; one by one to get tested.

Ron, however, was reading all of the notes that Hermione had handed him to read that were all on the veil. He was actually kind interested and not at all confused or bored.

Half an hour later Hermione, who had been helping Ron and Harry, declared that Ron was knowledgeable enough to start. This turned out to be a good thing because Ron's way of thinking was different than others because he simplifies thing so that it sounds dumb but is actually quite smart. This would be why after another 10 minutes had past Ron stated something that made the other to just feel dumb for not seeing it.

"Wait why don't you just switch them around."

They both just stared at him until it clicked and then they were both wearing identical grins and attempting to hug him at the same time.

Hermione then proceded to add that to the list before declaring:

"I do believe we will get to start testing these tomorrow."

Then they all hurried off to class since none of them wanted to miss their lesson in Defense Against the Dark Arts. This year they had a teacher that they assumed had no issues because it had been over a month an there had yet to be any suspicions or strangeness at all. He was a normal bloke, tall muscular, smart and fun. He was their favorite professor for DADA, not including Remus Lupin of course. So they raced off to their class, just barely remembering to make sure no one was in the corridor that would see their strange meeting area. With the help of the shortcuts they knew in the castle they made it to their class on time and not even out of breath.

"Good afternoon class," Professor Jackson said as he entered the class.

"Good afternoon Professor Jackson," the classed stated.

"Today we will have a more challenging practical on the use of nonverbal spells."

Following that statement there were a few cheers and a groan or two. They had been on this topic for awhile because it took three weeks worth of lessons just to get all our notes done on the subject.

"Today rather than using random objects or dummies we will be partnering you up. I have already made a list of who will be with whom in this assignment and it is hanging up on the wall by the door so please, go and find your partner as quickly and quietly as possible."

Everyone scrambled up to the list while trying not to make a bunch of noise. The list was not exactly pairing you up with your buddy so many were audibly groaning. The list read:

_Ron Weasley and Pansy Parkinson_

_Lavender Brown and Gregory Goyle_

_Vincent Crabbe and Pavarti Patil_

_Draco Malfoy and Dean Thomas_

_Harry Potter and Daphne Greengrass_

_Blaise Zabini and Seamus Finnigan_

_Hermione Granger and Tracey Davis_

_Neville Longbottom and Millicent Bulstode_

Theodore Nott was in the Hospital Wing because of some quidditch accident at the Slytherins' practice, so that made it so that there weren't going to be any groups of three for the day.

With these pairings the professor assumed that there would be no mishaps because there were not any enemies against each other even if it was Slytherins with Gryffindors. But he was wrong, very wrong.

It started with Goyle accidently singing Lavender's hair with a wrong spell. Lavender might have been girly but she could be frightening when she was mad so she blasted him into the stone wall with her well aimed spell. She then began to sob because her hair was ruined, which distracted Seamus Finnigan and Pavarti Patil. Seamus was enamored with her so he was at her side the moment she started crying, and Pavarti was right behind him seeing as how she thought just as Lavender did about hair and such.

That of course led to Blaise getting a in a spell at Seamus, and it was a spell that forced Seamus to have a severe stomach ache. Crabbe wanted to finally win something so he aimed a jelly legs charm at Pavarti which, as harmless as it seemed caused her to fall on her butt and bruise it.

The fact that all of this happened in one class period, and did not look like it was to a close made the professor called the class to order and then had Pavarti, Lavender, Goyle, and Seamus escorted down to the hospital wing by Neville Longbottom, Daphne, Tracey, and Dean.

When they all left there were only a few people left in the classroom and so he enlisted their help to clean the room up. They all agreed and so as they were cleaning he asked each of the offenders to come up to his desk one by one. Starting with Vincent Crabbe.

"Mr. Crabbe, my desk if you will"

He grunted and then approached the desk slowly.

"Why did you fire of a spell when your partner was not only turned but otherwise engaged?" Professor Jackson asked seriously.

"I wanted to win, sir" Crabbe answered simply.

"Very well then 7 points from Slytherin and you will be serving detention with me tonight at eight. You may go finish cleaning," Professor Jackson stated calmly and he stared directly at Crabbe's eyes.

"Blaise Zabini, come up to my desk a moment," Professor Jackson asked. And so went it went with all the wrong doers that were not injured. The others would be talked with later that evening. Each of the offenders would lose points and earn a detention.

* * *

Dumbledore heard of this fiasco and so he had the Professor come up after classes were up and before his detentions to talk.

Dumbledore knew that this was not a good thing to happen in a lesson but that accidents could happen so he wouldn't be harsh with the man. However, the Headmaster knew that Professor William Jackson was only teaching because he was needed and not because he wanted to. That had changed though because a certain werewolf friend of the light side was almost in teaching condition again. After he had finished his mission he had needed a little healing and emotional time, but now he was healthy and ready to teach.

That was why when Albus Dumbledore Told his dear friend William Jackson that he could go back to his life if he wanted he was not too surprised when said man smiled, nodded, shook hands and left.

It was announced at dinner that night that Professor William Jackson decided that he no longer wished to teach and would be leaving Hogwarts the following day. Followed by the announcement that there would be another DADA professor come next week, Remus Lupin was returning.


	26. Chapter 26 TAKE 10

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter.**

_A/N: Sorry for the wait but as I still have not had any new review since last time I decided to wait until I was not as busy to write._

**October 14****th**

They had been testing the many different variations for the last few days and each had failed miserably. From our notes on what we read on how the arch was supposed to work was that if it was working there would be a slight glow or haze under the arch like a … well like a veil. Our results went something like this:

_**Take #1- Blue Stripes **_

_**Take #2- Red Haze**_

_**Take #3- Orange Glow**_

_**Take #4- Black Lines**_

_**Take #5- Green Sheets**_

_**Take #6- Yellow Ripples**_

_**Take #7- Pink Dots**_

_**Take #8- No Change**_

_**Take #9- Purple Splotches**_

This was the tenth attempt in ten days. Harry looked like he might cry if this attempt didn't work. Hermione looked more like she was going to rip her hair out. I on the other hand wad more angry than frustrated. I just wanted the dang thing to work already and I was NOT ready for the mess Harry would be in if it continued to not progress. I can only deal with Harry's tears on the RARE occasion and I still wasn't recovered from the shock of all he had told me last week.

This attempt had better not fail- none of us can take much more.

It failed.

_**Take #10- Gold Wall**_

This is not good. I predicated what our reactions would be just like I do in chess and I was right. I was furious and Hermione was pulling at her hair in frustration and Harry had allowed only 3 tears to fall before he ran out. And we let him, despite knowing his thoughts could be detrimental to his health, we let him go off alone in a dark empty castle late at night.

* * *

He didn't return. It had been almost two hours and he was still out. I didn't want to think about what that could mean. Neither of us wanted to as it could not be at all good. So Hermione and I went to look for him because it was nearly midnight and he might want space but he also needed sleep and someone there to stop him from doing something stupid.

Harry wasn't in the room of requirement or any other rooms that they checked so that left the one place they had hoped he wouldn't go: the Astronomy Tower.

And he was there, sitting on the ledge looking out at the moon. He was no longer crying, simply thinking.

"Harry?" Hermione asked cautiously, "Are you okay Harry?"

He looked up at us his face was blank. "No." That was all he said. That was it, no explanation, or addition was added to that statement. But he got up and the three of us walked back to Gryffindor Tower slowly and completely silent.


	27. Chapter 27 Secret Pains

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and this is not for a profit.**

_Warning: talks of suicide and inflicting pain in this chapter. Don't like, don't read, you have been warned and if you think my rating needs to be uped just tell me._ **  
**

**October 14****th**

I was beginning to worry, we both were. Harry had yet to show up after the testing and it was nearing midnight. Ron thought that something had happened to him. I decided to do something- privacy be damned. I went and got his invisibility cloak and then saw the map. I had thought he always had it so I hadn't checked but this would tell us exactly what Ron and I need to know.

Thirty minutes later at 12:01 we were to be found under an invisibility cloak and heading towards the Astronomy Tower with trepidation. This spot was never a good spot for Harry and with that faild attempt it can't be any better now.

Being as how it was after curfew we had to be extremely careful because if we were caught then we wouldn't be able to help Harry at all. So it was another 13 minutes before we reached the door to the parapet. ..

* * *

…I couldn't help it when I ran I… I just couldn't stand the pain, the raw emotions that were clawing at me. I know Ron and Hermione will probably be looking for me but I wish they wouldn't. As much as I wish them to be here with me I know that they would be so disgusted with what they see. I'd rather they not come then for them to know for sure that I am a sick and twisted. Besides I the "Boy-Who-Lived" could not be allowed to have a weakness, never mind a whole slew of them. I mean I really am full of them. I am ugly, disgusting, weak, I cry, attempt suicide, and I…. I hurt myself. The last one is the one I think I have not yet revealed to or been ousted by them. Or at least I think I have kept that one safe and secret, I mean yeah they knew I cut in order to die but they don't know that it is also recreational and even more diverse. It isn't just a few cuts it is simply anything that causes pain, sweet pain. That truly is the good type of pain- the type that distracts from the type in my heart.

No, no it's best that they don't know. It is illegal after all. And just as I convinced myself I heard the door opening. I cast my pain again, just once to get me through this encounter…

* * *

…As I pushed open the door, making a small bit of noise much to my dismay, I hear something. Something I had never wished to have ever heard in his voice. But I ignored it, I knew Ron had not heard it as he was slightly further back and I had only just barely caught the word. So instead we strode in and disposed of the cloak and map in a pile near the door.

We sat on either side of him and I tried desperately tried to think of something to say as silence began to fall around us. After a few moments I finally relented to my emotions and threw my arms around him practically sobbing. He stiffened as I knew he would but it still hurt me to feel it. Ron joined in by pounding him supportively on the back.

Harry finally gave in and started to shake as if wracked with violent sobs. But he was silent, though he did put his forehead on my shoulder. And after a few minutes longer we all broke apart and we all looked each other in the eyes. Mine were probably showing fear and joy. Ron's held awkwardness and relief. Harry's eyes were conflicted, however, and much more diverse. They held joy, depression, shock, regret, need, fear, and a small almost minute blink and you missed it type of small sliver of hope.

I decided to leave what I had heard to myself until a later date and concentrate on now and how they were going to proceed from here. She needn't have pondered long because Ron seemed to have figured that they next thing to do was talk.

"Harry, Mate, why'd you run?"Ron asked bluntly. I was shocked to have him ask such an emotional question when he normally runs from most emotional crap. I was ever more stunned to hear Harry reply.

"I had no choice I…I needed to get away from there… and the pain. I didn't mean to worry you guys," Harry stated cautiously.

"It's okay Harry we understand that it was hard and you needed some space," I told him gently "Ron and I had just wanted to make sure you were okay."

He smiled slightly and I knew things were looking up slightly now. I decided not to push any more issues tonight and so we all got they map and under the cloak for the slow decent down the stair and then toward the common room.


	28. Chapter 28 WandSpeak

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**October 15****th**

_Remus Lupin_

I had been shocked, completely shocked when I had been offered the job. Albus had asked me to be the Defense Against the Dark Arts Professor. Of course I accepted it immediately. I had arrived late the night before and today I was going to be teaching again. The same classroom, the same office, and the same subject as last time I taught. I never thought I'd be allowed to teach again after being found out as a werewolf. I even get to nearer to Harry again, my Cub.

My first lesson was with the sixth years fortunately so I wouldn't have to track him down to talk. I desperately want to know how he is coping since Albus had forbidden me to keep in contact saying that we both needed time to grieve separately first. This would be the perfect opportunity.

Breakfast went well and as many people remembered me there was a bit more applause then normal.

I then quickly headed to my classroom to finish setting it all up before any students arrived. The students in the class were to be continuing nonverbal spell casting and then learning wandlesss spell casting and then combining the two throughout the year. This lead him to having a wand basic course today.

As they filed in I told them that we were going to be doing wands today. They were to go around the room and Look at all the different wands and see if they could distinguish it. They were to write down what it was made of and whose it was as well as what its specialty is.

Twenty-three minutes later I called them back to their seats. And as I proceded to ask them about each and every wand I noticed that Harry never raised his hand to answer.

"Mr. Potter, would you mind telling me why you have yet to participate in this assignment? I do believe that you were the first to return to your seat, am I right?" I asked pointedly.

"Yes Sir, I was," Harry spoke briefly.

"Then please enlighten me as to why you felt you were done and yet could not answer any of the questions," I asked him gently. I didn't want to get on his bad side but I need to know and I wasn't likely to get much time after class.

"I had completed the assignment but i... I didn't think MY responses would have been well received, professor," Harry stated calmly. "I sensed each wand, and I know that all but four of them are past Death Eater's wands, Sir."

"I am impressed, 15 points to Gryffindor for your observation skills. Can you name them, Mr. Potter?"

"Lucifer Malfoy, Groanan Goyle, Regulas Black, Orion Black, Walberga Black, Cedric Diggory, James Potter, Lily Potter, Rabastan LeStrange, and… Sirius Black," Harry stated whispering his parents and Diggory's name's but practically choking out Sirius'. I realize just then that I was being cruel to make him say that.

I had simply not wanted to say them myself, I'm so selfish…

"Can anyone tell me how it was that Mr. Potter sensed the owners of these wands?" I asked the class. Unsurprisingly Hermione's hand shot up. I smiled at that.

"Mrs. Granger?"

"Professor, I believe he sensed it because a wand may chose a wizard or witch but they still respond to others. I believe Harry used the wands own want for their owner to his advantage. He would have been concentrating on what he wished to know as he came into contact with the wand. Harry did after all go up and touch each one before he sat back down."

"Yes, 7 points to Gryffindor, Miss Granger. Yes I do believe that is what he used. Correct, Mr. Potter?" he simply nodded in response.

"Now for all of you who have no idea what we are referring to I will explain," I said simply. "Every wand is made with magic, to have magic, to use magic and with that the wand is the instrument we pour our magic into. Also each wand uses its own essence to pick the perfect witch or wizard. The reason a wand maker will pick out yours to try is that is has a tune, or message that tells what might be good for it. Wand makers then take that information and try to connect it to a customer. And while anyone can learn to understand such WandSpeak it is sometime rather difficult to get right which is why you might go through many wands before you find yours at the store. WandSpeak as it is known to some, changes once it has found its owner.

"From the owner constantly pulsing magic through it the wand contains their magical signature as well as their name which it hums constantly. Louder we reunited with its owner which we all have known when we pick up out wands in the mornings.

"Mr. Potter seems to have been able to distinguish the hum into the correct letters and spaces of the owner's name, is that correct Mr. Potter?"

"Yes Sir, it is like the wand is singing."

"Very good. Now as this has taken us to the end of the lesson I'll tell you your homework and then you are free to go. I want 7 inches on WandSpeak and another 5 inches on how you figured out the answers to these wands today. You are dismissed."


	29. Chapter 29 Thoughts

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

_**A/N: sorry it is so short.****  
**_

**October 15****th**** Dumbledore's POV**

I know Remus and Harry were probably feeling some resentment towards me at the moment and it hurts. I had to have them apart in order for them to heal. It is a well know fact that Sirius was a big connection between the two and for that to have been ripped from them was bound to have caused discord. With Harry blaming himself it would not have helped him if someone was there that thought the same. Because no matter what Remus says Albus knows deep down that he blamed Harry at the beginning for the death of Sirius but know, know they could continue to heal together now that they aren't going to be a danger to each other.

"Yes, yes I do realize I am being a manipulative old fool, Fawkes, but I am needed to do this to help my boys," Dumbledore grumbled to his familiar.

The Phoenix simply stared at him his head cocked to the side slightly. Fawkes was always the one the Headmaster bounced ideas and reasoning's off on and it surely helped.

A knock at his office door brought his attention to the present yet again.

"Enter"

It was Professor Remus J. Lupin.

"Hello Remus, have a seat."

"Thank-you Albus."

"Lemon Drop?"

"No thanks I wish to discuss Harry with you."

"And what has Harry been up to that warrants such a discussion?"

"Well, in my lesson today I learned that he is rather adept at WandSpeak"

"Oh well this is rather unusual. Are you sure Remus? He didn't just simply make a rather good guess or two?"

"No, Albus, he knew exactly who owned each of the wands and when I saw his parchment it seemed he also knew their specialties and what they were made of. His answers were all correct and detailed but yet he was the first to finish and only spent a few seconds at each wand to gather the needed information."

"I see, thank you for informing me of this new development Remus. I will look into it and get back to you. Have a good evening and I shall see you at dinner."

"Thank you Albus and I shall indeed see you at dinner tonight."

* * *

Remus had left over a half hour ago and still Albus Dumbledore was in a state of shock as he was making his way through his book shelf. Now WandSpeak was not extremely common but it was common enough that Harry wouldn't get too upset over it. Albus knew if it had been a very rare thing then Harry would have hated having it. But, while it was not rare there are only about 15 people with the ability for every seven years. And not many of these people ever discover their hidden talents.

Harry having discovered his at the age of sixteen was not expected. But seeing as how he did it must be real and it'll just be yet another thing he must overcome and accept while attempting to grieve and heal. It is not exactly ideal but it was all there was, there aren't very many options for the boy after all.

Finally having found a book he deemed useful in this situation he grabbed it and headed to his quarters to read it so as to be able to be there for harry when he needs some answers.


	30. Chapter 30 Confrontation

**Disclaimer: I do not own anything.**

_**A/N: again its short, I apologize.**_

**October 19****th**** Hermione's POV**

"Harry, we need to talk," Hermione stated. She had been trying to get him alone for the last few days but he had been avoiding her. They were now in the Room of Requirement, where she had him cornered so that he wasn't able to escape yet again. She had waited semi patiently for him to finish his work out but now it was time to get down to business.

"No, Hermione we don't."

"Yes we do I know exactly what you did before Ron and I found you on top of the Astronomy Tower. I heard the spell you used and I want to know why. I want to help you harry, please, just let me help you." I knew I had him when he froze as what I said sunk in. He was practically paralyzed with fear.

"Hermione I… I-I don't know what you mean?"Harry stuttered.

I knew he was lying and it hurt but I had to get through to him.

"Stop lying to me Harry. You know very well what I'm talking about and if you try to avoid it I'll tell Professor Lupin and then go to the Headmaster if it doesn't stop. It is illegal Harry. You could go to Azkaban for it!"

"I KNOW! Okay Hermione I know that, I know all the risks, I always have but the rewards are far better than the risks and consequences. I can feel again."

"Oh, Harry, you are so much stronger than this. I could help you if you would just let me. This isn't healthy."

"I don't care it's only until the end of the war."  
"So you are going to stop? But why wait that long? You need to stop now."

"Hermione I won't ever stop I just won't be able to continue after the war."

"What do you mean? You won't be able to… NO! Harry you are not going to die you will live through this if you could just get some help and let people in."

"I'm sorry Hermione but I don't plan on surviving this war no matter what happens. I am only alive now because I need to kill voldemort first to keep you and my friends safe."

By now I was practically sobbing so I threw my arms around him as I told him the one thing I thought might change his mind.

"Harry...If you die, I'm dying with you. I hope you know that."

"No you won't. I. Won't. Allow. It." Harry gritted out as he hugged me tighter. He then whispered so quietly that I could barely hear it, "You are too pure to die for me."

"You are wrong Harry. And I wouldn't want to live here without you. I need you," I whispered back.

"You are my reason for living too Hermione."

It was then as he pulled back that I noticed he was silently crying. Tears were streaming down his face. I reached up with my hand and wiped them away as they came down. And as I did so it seemed he finally broke. He started to sob, gut wrenching sobs that made my heart ache.

I led him to the sofa that appeared behind us, courtesy of the room. And I simply sat down and held him. I held him as no one else ever had. Not since his parents were alive 15 years ago.


	31. Chapter 31 Therapist

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

_**A/N: Characters may be out of character but this IS FanFiction.**_

**October 22****nd**** Severus Snape's POV**

Sigh. First years really do have awful handwriting. They don't even think before they write. It's slopy and worthless. And I still have another 7 to grade before I'm done for the night.

_Knock Knock_

"Enter"

"Hello Severus, how are you this evening?" Albus asked as he stepped into my office.

"Quite well I am simply grading these tedious and horrendous essays."

"Yes, well what if I was to offer you an opportunity to take a break and let someone else do it for you?" Dumbledore asked me with that dang twinkle in his eye.

"I would have to say that it sounds far too good to be true," I said obviously.

"Well, Severus I am qualified enough to grade first year essays but the issue I have requires someone that has many qualifications that I don't have."

"Such as what, Albus? What is it that you require me to do?"

"I need you to act as a student's therapist of sorts."

"Which student?"

"Ah, well you see I can't rightly tell you that unless you accept."

"Why can't you tell me who it is I will be helping? It isn't one of my Snakes so who is it?"

"Severus I can't tell you because I don't know myself. I was asked anonymously if I would be able to provide a therapist for someone's friend. All I know is that the person who wrote the note is female and that she and her friend are in their 6th year here at Hogwarts."

"I will of course accept, as I do not see much of another option. When shall I meet this mystery person or how can I contact their friend?"

"Thank you Severus, I appreciate it. I have of course already set up a time and place. You will meet for your first meeting at 7:00 in the room of requirement tomorrow evening."

"I will be there then. Now, as for you Albus here are the 7 essays that need to be graded tonight and I shall send you tomorrows with a house elf," I said smirking.

* * *

_**In the Gryffindor common room - Harry's POV**_

"YOU DID WHAT? Hermione how could you do something like that?"

I know she meant well but she should have asked. It is MY life and I DO have a say in it. Oh my goodness I am going to have to TALK to some stranger.

"Harry I'm sorry but I did what I thought was best. The note was anonymous so until tomorrow night the therapist won't know who you are, or who I am. And with patient confidentiality if you tell him not to tell then he can't."

When she had finished explaining I sat down. _What was I going to do? Could I do this? Am I ready for this?_

"Will you go with me Hermione? Please, I don't think I'll be able to do this by myself."

"Of course I will go with you," she said as she sat beside me- hugging me tightly.

* * *

_**October 23**__**rd**__** Room of Requirement Hermione's POV**_

10 minutes. That's how long we had been standing here. Harry was stubbornly refusing to go in but we had come up early so we still had 7 minutes until we were late. And I refuse to be late. so we simply stood there. One wishing to enter (that's me) and one wishing to bolt (that's Harry). The only reason Harry hadn't left yet was because I had my hand firmly in his so that I could yank him back if he made an attempt. Or at least I think that's the reason my hands there. I mean of course it is. Why else would it be there? I mean any other explanation is simply ridiculous, Right?

"I guess we should go in," Harry grumbled beside me, snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Yeah, we don't want to be late as a first impression, now do we?"

We walked in and there sitting on a high back winged emerald colored chair as Harry's therapist. And he was defiantly NOT someone new, in fact we had seen him only a few hours ago in the Great Hall.

The Therapist was…..


	32. Chapter 32 Session

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

_**Warning: mention of abuse and it won't ever be too detailed but it will be there.**_

**October 23****rd**** Harry's POV**

…Severus Snape. Severus Snape is my therapist. SNAPE! No, I can't do this, no,no,no. I can't.

"I can't" I whispered.

Obviously shocked at the omission Hermione squeezed my hand reassuringly. And she led me into the room. We sat on the couch across from Snape, who was sneering at us.

"Mr. Potter. I was not aware that you are so attention seeking as to try the pity angle yet again so soon after this past 2 years events." He sneered at me.

"He didn't do this for attention, sir. And it was my idea anyhow," Hermione stated quietly.

"Miss. Granger, why am I not surprised?" he spat.

I wanted to defend Hermione but I couldn't bring myself to speak, my mind is in too much turmoil. _How was I supposed to do this? Is it possible? Will he actually help? Is this some kind of sick joke? Will he tell anyone? Will he tell Malfoy? Or Voldemort?_

"Are you pretending?" I finally ask.

"No I'm not, Potter, I was told my counseling abilities were needed so I am here. Was it actually you? Or are you simply here to plan your next prank?"

"I was the one that sent the note, professor. I hadn't told him until after," Hermione spoke up.

Snape glared at her, then at me, but he remained silent. It was obvious that he was not pleased or impressed.

"Sir, are we going to get started?" Hermione asked speaking up yet again. This time she received two glares for her efforts. I hadn't wanted to do this in the beginning but Hermione said it was this or she would tell the Minister and he would end up in jail or at least appear in the Daily Prophet. I sigh, defeated.

"We might as well, sir. There is nothing else to do but I must… I must insist that this all be confidential. And that is including my identity."

"Reasonable. Will Miss Granger be attending all the sessions?"

"Possibly, sir"  
He nodded and didn't comment on it any further.

"Then let's get started, Mr. Potter. Would you mind if I have this conversation magically recorded?"

"No."

"Very well then." And he waved his wand, setting the charm.

"I believe we should begin with you earliest memory."

And so we did.

I told him how I didn't remember my parents and that my only memory of them I discovered in my third year with the dementors, because it is the night that they died.

And then we moved to my next earliest memory. When I was 3 at the Dursleys' and I had just had a nightmare which resulted in me waking up my uncle and that led to a beating, of course.

They shuddered as I spoke and I whimpered a few times when the retelling brought the pain to the fore front of my mind. A place where pain had not resided since I was 7. I was always able to keep myself distanced enough from it that I wouldn't be affected nearly as much. Not even telling Hermione or Ron did it but now, with Snape, something was different. I wasn't just informing him of what happened and him telling me what was wrong. I was re-living all the memories and experiencing them in my mind as if It was happening as I told it.

I think snape realized my whimpers, and how they became for frequent and louder the older I was in the memories- the ones that had been blocked before but now weren't.  
Whether he did or didn't he did, however, call a quits.

"I think we have done enough recalling for today. Although I will be discussing your reactions to it I think that it can wait for next time, at let's say 12:00 tomorrow? And we can have lunch in here, I will set it up with the house elves."

"Yes, sir. Thank you sir." We chorused as we stood to leave. It had been five hours long of a session. It had been slow and excruciatingly painful at the beginning. Neither party trusting the other but there was a truce and that made it somewhat easier.


	33. Chapter 33 Decisions

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.**

**Warning: self harm and suicide.**

_**October 31**__**st**__** Astronomy Tower Harry's POV**_

_The wind was whipping around me as I stood there. I was yet again up on the Astronomy Tower. I knew I shouldn't be doing what I was doing seeing as how it upsets Hermione so much, but it was a release for me and it feels as necessary as breathing is for survival. _

_I had tried to stop, to do it for Hermione, but here I am again._

"Crucio" I cast for the umpteenth time.

_This time, however, I was not alone. Hermione had found me once again it seems. I knew she would but, well, I just can't bring myself to find a new place. This one is just perfect for me. The wind, the openness, it just calls to me._

"Harry I thought you were done with this" Hermione said with disappointment.

"I…i...I tried I really did Hermione, I'm telling the honest to Merlin truth, believe me?"

"You wouldn't be doing it if you had Harry Potter, and you know it. You are stronger than this, which means that, logically, you DON'T want to stop and you are lying about it."

"No, Hermione ...I'm not strong…, never strong, please …I DID try."

"I'm sorry Harry but I don't think you did, are, or will ever try to stop. And ...And …I …I…I don't think I can be friends with you anymore. I'm sorry harry, Goodbye."And with that parting line she turned and fled.

"No! Hermione! Please, don't leave me!"

_I wish I could have run after her, but I couldn't. The 'crucio' I did had been stronger than most, seeing as how it had been so long and my legs are as useful as jello. I can't believe she left though, she said she wouldn't, her and Ron both did. I bet that Ron will leave just like her… They probably like each other and were just waiting to get rid of me, the third wheel. No ever would like me… not even Cho. She only used me as a replacement._

_If Hermione has left and Ron is to follow her and Sirius is already gone, why am I still here? Why shouldn't I just die and be with my parents and Sirius? It would be so easy; if I can perfect one unforgivable I should be able to do another quite simply, right? Or should I just jump? Maybe a knife, or Sirius' broken mirror? It would be worth it….but what is my parents hate me too? Or what is Sirius blames me for having killed him? No better not die…should I just leave? Go to Russia or Australia? Yes that would work. I will make everyone think I am dead go to Australia and then I will secretly kill Voldemort. You know… if he hadn't of killed my parents then I might have been on his side…he is one of the only people who has much interest in me after all._

So it is decided. I will write a letter, good thing I have my school stuff up here.

* * *

1 hour and many copies and attempts later:

There I believe that will suffice.

_**Dear British Wizarding World,**_

_**I wish to let you know that I am dead to you and so I am making it more permanent. I was not going to tell you but I realize many will freak out about the whole Voldemort issue so I will tell the truth. I, Harry Potter, will be moving to Australia to get out of everyone's way. I will still continue my fight against Voldemort but I will no longer be residing in Britain. No need to fear on that front. I simply have no more ties left here and the only thing left really is killing the maniac. **_

_**Yours truly,**_

_**Harry James Potter**_

At this point I realized that there was someone behind me. Reading over my shoulder.

* * *

_**October 31**__**st**__** Gryffindor Common Room**_

"Hermione, what's wrong?" Ron asked.

Hermione had tears flowing freely down her face and looked like a wreck.

"Harry, I need to talk to you about Harry" Hermione managed to say admits sniffles and choked sobs.

"Let's go somewhere more private then?"Ron said. "How about the unused classroom down the corridor?"

By the time they reached the room and were settled Hermione's tears and sobs had died down to the occasional sniff or two.

"Ron, you remember when we found Harry up on the Astronomy Tower that one time?"

"Yes…..He didn't jump, did he?" Ron questioned anxiously.

"No but you see last time I heard him perform a spell before you got up there. I heard him hast 'crucio' on himself, Ron."  
"Oh, Hermione no" Ron spoke dreadingly.

"Yes, I did. I spoke to him about it and while I promised not to say anything, he promised to stop. But now both of us broke that promise. Ron he was up there again tonight. He did it even stronger and I just couldn't take it. I said something horrible, Ronald; I don't think I'll be able to fix it. I told him he was a liar and that we couldn't be friends anymore."

By this point Ron had a newly sobbing Hermione in his arms as he valiantly tried to ease her pain, with little success. He was about to say something but he was interrupted.

"Mr. Weasley, Mrs. Granger! Kindly separate yourselves from each other at once. I will not stand for such abysmal decorum, even from Gryffindor dunderheads. 22 points from Gryffindor!" Professor Snape spat.

"Professor!" both Ron and Hermione shouted as they quickly rightened themselves.

"Explain yourselves."

"I was upset over Harry, Professor" Hermione spoke quietly.

"I see. So you therefore thought it necessary to come down here so near to curfew and behave in an unsavory way?" snape said with an arched eyebrow.

"We just needed somewhere private to discuss it, sir. Would you mind helping us, Professor?"

Ron was appalled with how Hermione was asking Snape for help but conceded that he was the only teacher nearby.

"For what do you need my assistance for Mrs. Granger?"  
"To get Harry to see reason, Sir. I know you two have a bad relationship but he takes what you say personally."

"I feel that I will regret my decision but I will however attempt to endeavor in your request."  
"Why?" Ron blurted.

"Mr. Weasley, I am a Professor of this School and I happen to have a responsibility to help my students" Snape shot at him with a glare.

"Thank you Professor, I believe we can find him on top of the Astronomy Tower."  
"The Astronomy Tower? Little girl are you suggesting that he is going to jump?"

"No, no but, well he might but I don't know."

"Insolent girl!"


	34. Chapter 34 Grumblings

_**Disclaimer: I do not own harry Potter. **_

_**Warning: contains suicidal thoughts and Out of Characterness I apologize for offending anyone.**_

_**A/N: Sorry for the wait and the shortness but the next wont be as far behind.  
**_

_**October 31**__**st**__** Astronomy Tower Snape's Point of View**_

Sigh. Kids these days just HAD to drag him into things that he HAD to help in or lose his job, A.K.A. my safety.

I was grumbling to myself the entire way to Potter until I got to him and read his Last Letter. And it finally sunk in a bit that I was doing this because a CHILD was in danger of committing suicide or some other grievous harm, and not just as some attention seeking act. No, those types were easy to deal with and Poppy was quite qualified to treat those but not the 'real' ones. No he was stuck with them- the hard cases.

He was the only resident psychologist Hogwarts had so it was only natural for him to get landed with all the kids with issues. He could deal with that but Potter? Is he really a hard case? How could he have missed it, they develop over long periods of time and he had known the boy since he was 11! That was 5 years he has known him and he had never ever even suspected…

"POTTER" I snapped like normal.

He knew it would scare him out of his thoughts and it had the desired affect: Potter was confused and now sating at me rather than his parchment.

"Come with me you have a detention to serve and I have cauldrons that need tending to," I ground out. I am not really angry at the boy but he need not know that. He need not know that it was himself he was angry with for not noticing any signs and catching it before it could manifest.

"Detention, Sir?"

"Yes, Potter, Detention, for being out of bounds at this time of night. "

I knew he would deserve a detention for this and he would never take kindly to me abruptly changing my ways concerning him. And loath am I to admit it but the Granger girl was right he will react in a suitable manner to what I have to say. Or at least he won't jump or even attempt to run, no he'd follow.

"Now come along Potter."


	35. Chapter 35 Walk

_**Disclaimer: I do not own harry Potter. **_

_**Warning: may contain self harm and suicidal thoughts and Out of Characterness I apologize for offending anyone.**_

_**October 31**__**st**__** Astronomy Tower Harry's Point of View**_

So now I have a detention on top of everything? Great, just great. And with Snape too. Obviously someone is messing with his life to have made it this bad…

But wait isn't Snape my therapist? Shouldn't he be helping me? And why was he here? Did someone tell him…was it Hermione?

And sure enough I think it was seeing as how she is just outside the door and it looks like she is with Ron. She probably went to tell Ron not to be my friend and then they went to go tell Snape so that I would get the worst punishment ever. Ron is even comforting her! That was always my job, my role, not his, never his. I can't believe this they have truly defriended me and have clearly moved on.

Well, at least now they can be together and not worry about a third wheel tagging along for the ride.

"Harry, are you okay? I'm so sorry Harry I didn't mean it! I can be your friend. We can work through this together as a team like always, please Harry; forgive me?" Hermione was pleading.

"No need to keep up the façade Hermione I know now. You don't wish to be my friend and its ok I understand, who would ever wanna be friends with a freak anyhow?" I replied back. I didn't wait for her response I just hurried after the professor as he was already more than halfway down the stairs by now.

* * *

Harry and Snape continued to walk through the corridors in complete silence. They both knew that it was almost too late to be serving a detention but it would not be the first time Harry stayed at a detention until the early hours of the morning and that was still hours away still so there would be plenty of time for him to have one. It was only shortly after eleven after all.

When we reached the Potions classroom I was surprised that we didn't stay in it instead Snape led me into his backroom. It was different then I'd expect Snape to have. It looked, for lack of a better term, comfortable.

There was a black microfiber couch and an overstuffed armchair in dark forest green. I was expecting the colors (there was a few silver throw pillows) as they were slithering colors and variations of them by a few shades but, well…I thought it would have a wing back chair and a bench. Nothing more; nothing less. But no, it's not even a cold stone floor there was a rug of silver fur (I don't know what type...Ferret? Bear?).

"Potter. Stop your gawking and sit" Snape snapped.

Apparently I had stopped in the doorway, just standing there with my mouth hanging open. I quickly closed it and took a seat. I chose the corner seat on the sofa (the one nearest to the exit.

"Yes Sir" I replied.

At first he just stared at me and then he began to talk.

"Potter, we have quite a few matters to discuss. First on the agenda is your being out of bounds. No student is allowed to be on top of the Astronomy Tower unless it is during class. For this you have detention with me tonight and then for another 3 nights of which you will be notified the day of and do not be late or I will make it 5. Understood?


	36. Chapter 36 the start

**Disclaimer: I own zilch, nada, none of it. Harry Potter is not mine I simply am a rabid fan, who happens to have horrid spelling.**

_**November 1**__**st**__** – Harry's Point of View – Snape's Quarters**_

I am tired but I'm still in "Detention" with Snape. It started off differently than normal. I wasn't scrubbing caldrons or even cleaning anything but I would have done just about anything to be doing the manual labor type detention. Even if it is exhausting it would be less painful then what I have been doing. At first it was silent as neither knew what to say because Snape obviously wanted to discuss something with me but I didn't care and as I don't like to talk I sure as hell was not going to aid the conversation and I certainly won't start it! But after a while Snape finally decides that he wasn't going to continue to wait for me to say something and from the look on his face he has figured out how to say whatever it is he wanted to tell me.

"Har-Potter, I realize that while you may have a dismal amount of knowledge in subjects that are considered important, however, I have come to the realization that my poor opinion of you was in fact far too generous towards you and that I should not have held you to such a standard when you continually prove that it is far beyond your capacity. Given this I was still astounded to find that you would sink as low as you have" Snape said. "Your little display up on that tower was pathetic and selfish and it was an act that even your pathetic excuse of a father would never dare sink that low. You truly have out done yourself this time potter."

"…."

I didn't respond to his rant I simply stared at him and for once I did not take the bait and let my temper flare but instead sat and stayed silent. It seemed as though I gave him the reaction he was hoping to not have, if his deep frown and heavy sigh is anything to go by.

_**Snape's Point of View-**_

I knew I had to try and get some sort of reaction from him so I know just how far gone he was. And I knew that if anything gets to him it is me insulting his beloved father but he didn't react, hardly blinked. That's when I realized just how bad it was and I knew I would have to be his therapist tonight not the snarky potions professor that he hates so much. Sigh. I was really rather hoping I would only have to have a brief discussion with him and then set him a task like scrubbing caldrons. Oh well, I guess that will have to wait.

"Harrt?"

"Yes, Professor Snape?"

"Instead of scrubbing caldrons for your detention I do believe that we will have our second therapy session, instead."

"O-Okay, Sir"

Still no emotion, this boy truly does need help. I set the charm to record the conversation and began.

" Harry, would you like to tell me exactly what it was you were doing up on the Astronomy Tower? And don't try and lie as I already have been told by Miss. Granger. I simply wish to hear you say it."

"If you already know then I shouldn't need to tell you anything." I glared at him and he seemed to realize he wasn't getting out of talking so he started speaking.

"I.. I was um casting a spell."

"which spell and why"

"Um well it …. It was the uh Crutiatus Curse. And I cast it to help me."

"and how exactly did that spell help you?" I asked gently.

"I gave me release and set me free" he whispered so quietly that I almost didn't catch it.

"Have you done this before? And if so can you tell me about it."

"I I…I have but um the last time I did it was um awhile ago."

"Harry I need to know when was the last time you cast the spell on yourself."  
"It was October 18th I think, I hadn't done it since the 19th."

"And why is that Harry?" curiosity lacing my words as most of the hard cases never go long without their 'helping hand'.

"Hermione"

"What about her?"

"She caught me and she didn't like it. I promised not to do it anymore, but I couldn't I –I need it, sir, please, please don't make me stop."

I looked at him closely and I could see the tears streaking down his face. Despite that I knew I had to keep going I needed to see how much he'd tell me.

"Harry, what made you break your promise, hmm? What specifically led you up there tonight?"

"You"

"Me? What do you mean me?"

"The therapy session. I. I. I kept reliving what I said I couldn't block it out anymore it was all there and it hurt."

"What do you mean by 'blocking it out'?"

"Ever since I was seven I wouldn't remember any bad things strongly, they would be in the back of my head and some would seem to disappear….but you made them all come back, I remember and feel them all know because I talk to you I re-lived them then and now I can't get rid of them."

"Harry do you know what this is? What you are doing is a form of occlumency."

"But I can't do that remember you tried and I failed."

"Well, I think that is a conversation for another day. I think that you can head back to your dormitory now. You don't need to run but as it is late you will need to go straight back to your tower."

"Yes sir" And then he was gone. I knew I would have to talk to him again soon but he need time to deal with what we discussed today.

Other than the stutters and tears he had no emotion and his eyes were almost dead looking. It seems the only thing that made him talk was that I asked and he only talked as much as he did because he was attempting to distance himself from it all.

Oh, well, I guess I shall simply have to make an appointment with him soon so he doesn't regress too deep.


	37. Chapter 37 Acidus

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER…..!**** And I am not at all saying that any of the advice or reactions if this story are accurate they are simply what makes sense to based off of my experiences and such. So as they say; to each their own.**

_**A/N:**__ I apologize for my absence but I hope I can make it up to you by posting more than just this chapter. I have just been busy working, playing nurse to my dogs at different times and other such things so yeah, I'm sorry and no, I did not drop off the face of the earth. _

_Acidus=Dreary in Latin according to a translation site._

**November 21****st**** Severus Snape's Point of View**

Three weeks. It has been three weeks since I last talked with my newest client: Harry Potter. All this work Dumbledore has been giving me to do for the Order has been diminishing my free time. I've had to make potions during my office hours for Poppy to have in the infirmary seeing as how this year has had so many more minor issues than the past few years. It seems as though everything piled up just as I was in need of more time. Even the Dark Lord has become more active and in need of my expertise rather often.

And those darn kids are just as insufferable as before which is not helping things.

Speak of the little devils and they shall appear. I think to myself as I see a student standing in the open doorway looking a tad nervous: a third year Ravenclaw by the name of Stewart Ackerley.

"Sir?" asked Stewart.

"Yes, Mr. Ackerley?"

"Professor Dumbledore sent me, Sir." Stewart stated as he pulled an envelope out of his satchel, "He told me to give this to you, Sir."

I nodded to dismiss him after he handed it to me and the boy left.

Sighing I opened the letter and began to read.

_Severus-_

_I wish to let you know that the Order meeting has been canceled. You will be saddened to know that this means I will not be able to have our usual evening tea as we discuss your duties. You will be ecstatic to know that none of this was caused by any dastardly events. You may do with you evening as you will, my boy. I also wish to tell you that as I will be out of the school this evening and will not be returning until Monday you will be needed. Minerva will be acting as the Headmaster in my absence and I request that you do the same for the role of Deputy. I would not like to think of having Minerva under all that pressure. _

_Minerva has insisted that the password to my office be changed while I am away and she is the one to have picked it so I am sincerely sorry that it won't be much to your taste compared to the regular passwords. The password is this: Acidus._

_-Albus P. W. B. Dumbledore_

_P.S- I have enclosed a lemon drop for you._

"Well, this changes things" Snape muttered to himself. Deciding that he should take the opportunity given him he would have to send for Potter so that they might have that meeting that had been pushed back for far too long. Taking out a piece of parchment and a quill he began to write.

Once he finished he called a house elf to take it to him.

"Tibby"

There was a resounding _crack_ that alerted his arrival.

"Mister Snape, what may Tibby do for you?" asked the house elf asked bowing low.

"Deliver this to Mr. Potter" Severus state simply.

"Of course Mister Snape, Tibby will deliver it to Mister Potter, Sir"

And with one last bow and another echoing _crack_ the diminutive creature popped away to another part of the castle where a young teen stood.


	38. Chapter 38 Nerves

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER…..!**** And I am not at all saying that any of the advice or reactions if this story are accurate they are simply what makes sense to me based off of my experiences and such. So as they say; to each their own.**

**November 21****st**** Harry Potter's Point of View**

_Pop_

"Mister Potter, Sir Tibby has a letter from Mister Snape for yous" Said a voice behind him making me jump.

I had been standing by the window that overlooked the Black Lake. I was so deep in thought that I had not heard the sound of the arriving House Elf so I was rather shocked to suddenly hear a squeaking voice from directly behind me.

I realized it had a letter and at first I was confused but then I recalled what the little fella ha said. A letter? From Snape? Crap.

I slowly reached out for it and thanked the house elf before it popped away with another booming _pop_

Taking a deep breath I opened the envelope and began to read.

_Dear Mr. Potter,_

_I would like to inform you of the time and date of our next session. This may be last minute but I am a very busy man and I have found the time and would not wish to put it off any further than I already have do to unplanned and new developments into my routine. Therefore I request that you report to the room of requirement at half past seven this evening._

_-Professor Severus Snape _

_Potions Master_

"So I have a meeting with Snape tonight? Huh…" I said to myself. I wasn't sure if I should be thrilled or scared given how long it had been. Maybe I could bring Hermione with me? No! No, I –I can do this, I have to do this, yeah I can and she doesn't need to be bothered, I thought to myself.

**7:27 pm- Room of Requirement**

Starring. Starring and fidgeting. That is what I am doing, all I am doing. 'I can do this' I tell myself as I force myself to open the door to the come and go room as Dobby so aptly put it last year. The first thing I smell if lavender and sandalwood and the first thing I see is the window directly across from me. A view of the black lake and the tree I always sit in or under meets my eye. These things seem to calm me, though I'm not sure why.

By know I can see that Snape has once again beaten me here; I am not late this time though. Infact,

"You are early, Potter." Came Snapes waspish voice.

"yes, sir" I said as I sat down on the window seat now even facing him. He was in the armchair about seven paces away.

"Good, then we can commence immediately," and so he did without giving me the chance to respond. "How are you, Harry?"

"I'm fine" I lied and simply kept looking out the window. That is until I felt a figure tilting my chin upwards, and I hadn't even heard him get up I realized as I was made to stare into his piercing obsidian eyes.

"Tell me the truth, Harry, how are you?"

"I'm not lying, I really am fine."

"No you are not so don't lie to me!"

"I-…I" and then I caved."I don't know, sir" I whispered.

"Then guess."

"Confused, tired, desperate, hopeless?"

"It is okay to feel these emotions and you are not alone in feeling them either, okay?"

"Of course."


	39. Chapter 39 Tactics

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER…..!**** And I am not at all saying that any of the advice or reactions if this story are accurate they are simply what makes sense to me based off of my experiences and such. So as they say; to each their own.**

**November 21****st ****No one's point of View**

Harry and Snape had been talking for awhile now. They both had different views on how it went. Harry thought it was a bother, boring, pointless and maybe just maybe lightening the load for him. Snape would say that it was like pulling teeth, though he did have a bit of success.

They readdressed his childhood but Harry refused to go further than they had done previously and as Snape wanted to go chronologically he was disinclined to jump around. After much deliberation and compromises and hurt feelings they came to an agreement. They would have another meeting on November 23rd after diner; Harry would bring Hermione and they WOULD continue. No ifs, ands, or buts about it.

* * *

**November 23****rd**** Hermione's Point of View**

Hermione could see Harry fidget before her and she was confused as to why. She hopped he was finally ready to forgive her and be her best friend again. She knew she had hurt him deeply and she was ready to earn his trust back. She wasn't naive enough to think everything would go back to normal right away but she wanted to start trying. Harry had been avoiding her and Ron by extension for weeks. He wouldn't even sleep in the dormitory for fear that they would corner him when he awoke. Hermione desperately hoped he was not sleeping in the Astronomy Tower. So the fact that he stood in front of her was definitely a surprise but was one she welcomed wholeheartedly.

"Yes, Harry?"She prompted.

"Umm, well I-I was wondering, if um, uh, you, would, umm, come with me to my, uh session?" harry mumbled only somewhat coherently.

"What was that Harry? Did you say you want me to have a session?"…."OH! Wait are you asking me to join you for your you-know-what- with Professor Snape?"

"Yes"

"Of course I will, when is it?"

"In uh, 5 minutes." He said uncertainly.

"Oh, well then, I guess we'd better be getting going, wouldn't want to be late not would we?"

He nodded jerkily and they headed for the Room of Requirements. They ended up being 3 minutes late and Hermione decided that she should explain.

"I'm sorry we are late sir Harry only just asked me if I would come and we came here straight away."

"No problem Miss Granger, in fact it shall be something we will be discussing. Though not right away." Snape stated. "I believe, however, that with his late informing that you do not know of the reason you were called here for this session."

She shook her head, there was a reason?

"I assumed as much. Now the reason you are here is because I know that you are the person Harry trusts the most, and yes this still holds true despite your recent falling out. Also I feel it would help him to deal with the emotions he relives along with bearing the memories if he were to have someone here. Understand?"

"Yes Sir."

Good then we may begin. And with that have stiffened.


	40. Chapter 40 Foundation

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER…..!**** And I am not at all saying that any of the advice or reactions if this story are accurate they are simply what makes sense to me based off of my experiences and such. So as they say; to each their own.**

**Author's Note: I would like to apologize again for the long wait. **

_**Previous chapter's end:**_

"_I'm sorry we are late sir Harry only just asked me if I would come and we came here straight away."_

"_No problem Miss Granger, in fact it shall be something we will be discussing. Though not right away." Snape stated. "I believe, however, that with his late informing that you do not know of the reason you were called here for this session."_

_She shook her head, there was a reason?_

"_I assumed as much. Now the reason you are here is because I know that you are the person Harry trusts the most, and yes this still holds true despite your recent falling out. Also I feel it would help him to deal with the emotions he relives along with bearing the memories if he were to have someone here. Understand?"_

"_Yes Sir."_

"_Good then we may begin." _

_And with that Harry stiffened._

**November 23rd **

The Therapy session had only just begun and Hermione could tell it would not be easy on anyone.

"Harry can you tell Miss Granger here what you told me about why you wish to go no further than we already have in your tell me of your past?.. Hmm? ... No? Well than if you won't I will-

"No!... I mean um I'll tell her Professor," interrupted Harry.

"Then by all means please do."

"Okay uh well erm, Hermione its not easy to explain but I uh can block out my um past. I don't remember them as easily and um I've done it since I was around 7 years old," Harry stuttered.

"Oh and so this, blocking thing that you do, helps you?"

"Miss Granger, I would seems that at the time it may have helped but it is not a long term solution and as the muggles would aptly state he is 'running from his problems' and that is why you are here." Professor Snape interjected smoothly.

Hermione was shocked that here Potions Professor would know a muggle saying but tried to look less shocked then she really was. Judging by the smirk that graced her Professor's face she had not done a very good job of it.

"Okay so Harry needs to unblock his memories but why am I needed for that?-Not that I don't want to be here-I do-it's just that I don't understand."

"You are here, Miss Granger, because I told Harry to bring you. The reason for that is simply Mr Potter's inability to deal with the onslaught of pain reliving theses memories cause him. I chose you because you are the only reason Harry has to not self destruct."

"Um sir I don't mean to be rude but um… if you recall I didn't exactly get him to stop."

"Yes you did whether you realized it or not he did in fact quit."

"Professor I saw him do it! He can't have quit because I saw it, Sir." Hermione all but shouted.

"Now you listen here. Harry stopped until he had to relive his memories and it simply became too much! Simply because you were unable to see proof telling you otherwise does not make you right. He stopped longer than should be possible with the state he is in because of you and here you are acting every bit the spoiled know it all."

Snape nearly shouted. Snape took a calming breath and then resumed his seat, having had stood up during his tirade.

A few moments passed before anyone spoke, it seemed no one knew quite what to say. At long last Hermione seemed to have found her voice.

"Professor, Sir…did you just call harry well…Harry?" Hermione questioned cautiously.

"Yes, Miss Granger, I did is there a problem?" Snape responded.

"Um… well no not really I guess it was jjust … surp..surprising?" she stuttered.

Snape simply raised one sculptured eyebrow in response.

"I mean there isn't a problem with it Sir, I just, I mean you usually just you know call him um 'Potter' or 'Mr. Potter'."

"Yes well I find it rather interesting that you only just now noticed as I have referred to Mr. Potter as 'Harry' almost the entire time you have been here.

"And as to the next question I know you will ask, I chose to call him by his given name so as to make the atmosphere during our sessions to be less tense than they need to be. With our rather unpleasant past it seemed counterproductive to bring such thought to mind every time I address him by his family name."

"Oh…"

"yes well enough time has been wasted and we really ought to begin, Harry if you would please begin where you left off?"

Harry had not said a word throughout the entre talk of what Snape called him and why. It seemed he was deep in thought on the matter. So deep in thought that Professor Snape had to call him three times before he responded.

-rry!"

"Huh"

"Now that you have finished day dreaming would you care to begin where you last left off?" Snape nearly snapped.

"Oh!..um sorry okay yeah I'll uh start then." Harry said blushing.

*Page break, time jump*

'Oh my…'

That's the only thought going through my head. Harry told Ron and I the whole story before but…I guess I thought he was fine. I knew he still needed help , of course, that's why I had contacted the headmaster after all. But this bad? No…I thought he had at least begun to deal with it… that maybe having a therapist would help ease the process and help him along. I didn't realize though that the wounds were still bleeding for him in ways magic couldn't heal.

I didn't want to believe it the first time but had done so and now I am finding out just how deep the hurt goes for Harry. Harry had still yet to even finish his story, his horrible, god forsaken story that makes up his life. No Professor Snape decided that is would have to wait till another day or else risk Harry's mental stability. We got through ages 9-11 today as 0-8 were covered in the first session. I thought it was silly to not get as much done as possible, to just get it out of the way and be done with it. That is until Professor Snape told me in a stern tone that while that tactic may work for many things and had even worked for Harry when he told me and Ron but not now. He wasn't just telling it but relieving it in his mind.

I looked at Harry and realized he was right.

Harry was practically shivering and flinched as he felt my gaze land on him. His hands were clenched in tight fists, hi nails no doubt digging into his skin if the spot of red peeking its way out between his fingers was any indication. His whole body was tense and his head was slightly bowed. Even with his head bowed one can still see his frantic eyes. Like that of a wild animal being cornered.

"We have stopped our progression through the years of Harry's life, Miss. Granger; however, we are not yet done for the evening" Professor Snape's voice sounded.

The sound of his voice shook me from my intense concentration on Harry's eyes.

"Oh… What will we be doing then Professor?" I asked.

He gave me a rather pointed look and then walked over to the other side of the room.

Harry had yet to move from his position and that's when I realized what the professor was trying to do. So I stood and walked over to where the Professor stood.

"I see you understood my meaning then, hm?" he asked me.

"Oh, um yes, sir." I replied distractedly.

"Yes you see we cannot keep having him relive these memories without talking about them and learning to deal with them instead of running. I presume that you realize how he deals with things?" Professor Snape asked and I nodded. "Good, you see he had literally occluded his mind so well that he literally cannot remember certain memories and feelings; unless he tries and that is what he has done tonight and at our first session. He needs time to gather himself as of this moment, particularly because of us."

"What about us, Sir?" I questioned. I mean why would we affect him needing time?

"Because he is used to being alone and we change that not to mention that we have both yelled at him and hurt him with our words. Add all that to fact that I am an older man and you a woman."

"Our genders are affecting him? Why?"

"Miss Granger if you were to use your brain you would know that we to some extent fit the requirements of the last memory he has just relived."

What?...

"Oh! His last relived memory was of his Aunt and Uncle only hurting him- not his cousin."

"Yes, you are correct. Therefore we rather fit that circumstance in his opinion as we are both living here, have hurt him, and we are in a position that would typically dictate one Not abuse him, and we are male and female."

"Oh… that is simply dreadful."


	41. Chapter 41 progression

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN HARRY POTTER…..!**** And I am not at all saying that any of the advice or reactions if this story are accurate they are simply what makes sense to me based off of my experiences and such. So as they say; to each their own.**

**November 23rd **

Harry eventually gathered himself and was no longer looking like a wild animal. The Professor and I walked back over and resumed our seats.

There was silence for what seemed like forever but that probably only lasted for a minute or two until it was broken by Harry.

"I-I just, I'm so sorry you two had to um, you know, see…that. I didn't mean-" he began before Professor Snape interrupted him.

"Now, Harry, you need not apologize for your reactions. They are reasonable given the circumstances."

"But-"

"No Harry, really its okay" I spoke up saying. I just couldn't stand the way he was acting it was just too sad. He looked at me before he quickly diverted his gaze to the floor. Then Professor Snape spoke up once more.

"Harry, I feel that we should not continue the timeline today. I feel it is about time to start on our talk of your reactions and feelings on the subject" he said much to Harry's dismay.

Harry nodded.

"Harry, I would like to remind you that neither Miss. Granger nor I have any wish to harm you and are only here and doing what we are doing so as to help you. Do you understand?" the professor asked. Though to me it looks as though he doesn't think he will get a response. But shock of all shocks he does.

"Yes sir, but you have" was nearly whispered by Harry as he kept his gaze determinedly on the floor.

I was shocked but the Professor seemed to have known that if he was to receive an answer at all that it would be something like this. I also realized that Harry's barely spoken words were true. And that thought hurt more than I thought possible. After all I had been rather cruel to him; I mean I even said that I wanted to end our friendship! And Professor Snape has been a menace towards Harry ever since he was eleven years old, even if Harry did give as good as he got most times. We probably weren't the best people to be helping him but if Professor Snape's words from earlier had any merit than we were the only ones who could help him. As if this whole mess wasn't messed up enough!

"Harry, we may have hurt you but we won't anymore, I promise. We are here to help you" I said as tears made their way down my face.

"I know."

"No harry you don't! I know I hurt you and I'm so sorry. There isn't anything that I can do to make up for it but I'll try. I promise I'll try!" I said emotionally. I knew he couldn't possibly have fully forgiven me as the hurt in his face with the mention of it was pain for even Ron to have been able to see it and understand it even if he did only have the emotional range of a teaspoon and the observation skills of a squirrel.


End file.
